Seeing My Own Face as a Witch Mask on Sexy Beasts

I don’t remember being on this show??!!!

Y’all seen this new Netflix train wreck?

The whole tag line of the show is “Can you love someone based on PERSONALITY ALONE?” I literally can’t make it through hearing that tag line without laughing. I cackled as I wrote it just now. Cackled like the witch I apparently am.

Yeah, so, the premise is that these good looking people go on dates with each other under the guise of some weird goofy SFX makeup. And see if they can actually connect without knowing the other person is an aesthetically pleasing human… (even though they definitely know the other person is hot because this is Netflix and casting don’t play.)

I mean look at this. This is a beaver. (Which I think is the best worst episode by the way)

And this… dolphin.

Why the blow hole? Whyyyyy would they do this???

So I’m sitting there having a good time and a good laugh, when suddenly I’m watching the finale…

AND MY OWN DANG FACE SHOWS UP AS ONE OF THE MASKS

WTF

How? Why? How? How does this happen, Netflix? Netflix, where you at? How did you let this happen? Why?

I mean nothing’s more of a self esteem crusher than that. A reality television show that is LITERALLY about people wearing HIDEOUS MASKS to conceal their real beauty. And the HIDEOUS MASK looks exactly like your own damn face.
I really don’t know what the thought process was here. In the board meeting the producers were like… “Okay, episode ten… Rooster. Praying Mantis. Fawn. And 30 year old mom of two in speckled green.”

There were so many ways the make up artist could have taken this. And no. NO. A make up artist literally went Hmmm… this is exactly what an ugly witch would look like.

And BTW, way to out me as a witch, Netflix. I was keeping my dark sorcery under wraps but OKAY. NOW EVERYONE KNOWS.

I just came here to have a good time. I came here to watch some shallow people pretend to have a love connection. I didn’t come here to be insulted and BULLIED like this!

I mean is this just my insecure a$$ or is this UNCANNY WTF. Should I sue????

So I tried to calm down and I was like alright, well maybe the makeup artist didn’t do that great of a job hiding what she looks like in real life and when they reveal her she’ll look like my better looking twin…

NOPE MY FEELINGS ARE HURT

You know what would have been better? If they did the whole big reveal AND IT WAS LITERALLY JUST ME. The guy would be like oh… so… wait, that was actually you’re face? Because I thought…

I’m going back into my lair now. But now that my identity has been revealed, potions and curses available for sale. Special on all eye of newt related products. Contact me if you too are interested in becoming an UGLY WICKED BOSS BABE. Work your own hours. Build your own client base. Unlock spells and abilities as you level up in the coven.

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