The Girl Who Cried Celebrity

Keanu Reeves came up and talked to me at the Burger Bar, but no one believes me.

UNNECESSARY BACKSTORY

A couple of weeks ago, we went to California for a family vacation (all of which I will blog about next Thursday). The last time we went to Disneyland, there was *an incident* that Dan still teases me about everyday. It’s just that – ‘kay – I am the type of naive person that jumps to the most magical of conclusions, even if it’s not likely.

It’s summer 2015. We go out to eat at Blue Bayou with my family. If you don’t know what that is, it’s the restaurant that is inside the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Seriously, like people are riding past in boats watching you eat. When you go there, you’re basically cast as one of the animatronics.

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Just like everything else in Disneyland it’s very spendy and ritzy, probably even more so than other places in the park. (Not bragging, but this is important to the story, I promise.) My mom nudges me and points out a guy sitting in a really nice corner of the patio. She’s like OMG doesn’t that dude look like Walt Disney?

He did. Did I automatically think that he was actually Walt Disney? No. Did I automatically think that he was his nephew, Roy Disney Jr? Uh, yeah, you bet your childlike wonder I did.

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I am freaking out like this guy has to be Roy Disney Jr. Or family. OR SOMEONE. Because exhibit A) he was by himself. Um, okay. Who is ever at Disneyland by themselves? Eating at one of the most expensive places… like, I’m a sixty something year old dude and imma treat myself to a Disney day? Come on. Isn’t that just a little suspicious? Even if his family wasn’t hungry and decided to do rides, like how is he going to be at having a lonely filet mignon instead of like a giant turkey leg or a churro or something. Also it was the day before the sixtieth anniversary. So why wouldn’t the Disneys be there?

Well, whatever. He leaves. Never confirm who it was. Obviously it wasn’t Roy, because he passed away several years ago, but that was unbeknownst to me at the time. Later on after using the bathroom by the New Orleans train station, my dad very excitedly tells me that he saw that SAME GUY go into the illusive Club 33 nearby.

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I screamed at the top of my lungs,”I KNEW IT!!”… And then everyone started laughing at me. Ha. Ha. Very funny. Take advantage of my outrageously high hopes. Whatever.

Anyways, long story short (too late), I’m sort of the butt of the joke when it comes to stuff like that.

ACTUAL STORY

Okay, fast forward to now. January 2018. We had just finished up another trip to Disneyland and we were in the Long Beach airport about to go home. As we were walking the length of the airport I notice a guy in front of us. WHOA! This guy looked EXACTLY like Keanu Reeves. Like if you cut his hair and shaved off his beard, I mean- seriously he could get into movie premieres, you know what I mean? Total twin.

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I point him out to Dan who rolls his eyes so hard it probably hurt a little bit. Then I kind of forget about it.

Dan has the baby and I go up to get us food at ‘The Burger Bar’. I got chicken strips because whatever I order I have to share with Jack. They tell me it’s going to take 15 minutes to cook. So alright, I’m just standing there super awkwardly waiting for my food.

A guy steps over to me. “Hey, have you ordered?”

It’s the Keanu Reeves look alike. And oh my gosh, now that I’m getting an up close view, I’m like HOLLLLLLLYYYYY SHHHHHHHH- This could be him.

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I mean, yeah, if he bent one of the spoons I would have been less surprised. It would have confirmed that Neo was actually talking to me at least. Even the voice. That whispity flat voice, you know? (Descriptions and stuff. Don’t worry, I’m an author.)

We’re standing next to each other as we wait for our food. (!!!) And I’m dying to ask, “Has anyone ever told you you look just like Keanu Reeves? … like, are you?” The thing though, is that there are a bunch of other people around. I don’t want to out him. This guy is just trying to get a burger, he doesn’t want to get stuck taking pictures with people.

So I never found out for sure.

BUT-

The next day someone had posted a meme of him, and I was like waaaaait… I googled what he looks like currently. And guys. It was him.

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This guy at the airport had the same exact hair and the same patchy beard. Keanu Reeves talked to me and stood next to me. 100%. Even more convinced now after finding pictures for this blog post.

And of course, it happened to ME ONLY, so no one believes it. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Novel Update Also New Blog Schedule

Hey there, hi there, ho there.

So I’ve been writing a book, which you may have already heard about. If you were wondering how that is going… Ummmmmm… THIS GIRL IS ON FI-ARE!!!

Like I’m not even sure what is going on. I wrote the entire first draft in twenty freaking days. And I guess that wasn’t over-achiever enough for me because I revised and rewrote the entire second draft the following month. So that means, that from the 1st of November to the 28th of December, I wrote, redrafted and rewrote a 200 page novel.

While also designing covers. While also being a mom of a toddler. While also holidays and stuff. Whaaaaaat even happened? Like maybe I’m actually a cyborg or something? Because I don’t even know how that could have actually been a thing.

But yeah! That happened. Will that happen again in my life? I doubt it. But right now my little book is pushing right along. Only three people have read it so far, but the numbers are adding up quickly. Right now, I have two critique partners scrutinizing their way through it, as well as an editor lined up. Even though this process is going quick for me (NOT NORMAL) I’m still trying to be thorough and am planning on a few more drafts (Started draft three today WHAT EVEN). Depending on what the editor says I’ll likely be sending it off to agents in the summer. (AAAAAAAAAAAAH!)

So that’s crazy.

 

Also a while back I posted a survey asking what I should do with the blog in 2018. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF YOU requested that I please keep the embarrassing stories segment… which I have tons of material for so that’s not a problem. I was glad to see that the “story time format” was so well loved, because I have soooo many stories outside of the embarrassing realm. Which brings me to this…

I am adding a second monthly story time called “The Craziest Things That Have Ever Happened to Me”

You can expect the first installment of that next Thursday, where I tell you something that happened to me just last week. Very exciting. Subscribe so that you don’t miss a single ridiculous story.

Here’s a visual representation of the 2018 schedule:

Week 1: Mommy Post / Family Things

Week 2: Embarrassing Stories

Week 3: Writing Updates / Samples / Various Essays

Week 4: The Craziest Things That Have Ever Happened

Occasional Week 5: Lazy Recipes

The Time I Took An Awkward Selfie

I was in the Arts Building at the University of Utah. I had just come out of a meeting with my supervisor and decided to hit the restroom before class… when I decided to do something very stupid. Typical, typical Val.

There are two types of people in this world: people who play on their Smart Phones while doing their biz on the can and LIARS.

So I’m on the toilet, probably taking a quiz to find out which salad best suits my astrological needs. My best friend Kayla sends me a Snap Chat asking me what I was up to.

Oh ho ho.

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In case you haven’t read about it already, I am essentially a 10 year old. My sense of humor is SO stupid that the trailer of my life would probably have multiple fart sounds and record scratches.

So I’m all, “Guess I gotta show her what I’m up to then”. And I take a picture of myself sitting on the toilet.

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Wow. Jeez. Val. Yuck. Yeah. That’s pretty embarrassing. NO! THAT’S NOT EVEN THE EMBARRASSING PART.

The embarrassing part was that I forgot that my phone was set to atomic blast sound level. The fake shutter click just like BOOMED out through the public restroom. There were at least two other girls in there who now knew that I was in there… taking pictures of … whatever.

I literally had to sit on the toilet for another fifteen minutes, just to wait for them to leave so I didn’t have to look them in the eye.

You think that would deter me from toilet selfies, but not at all.

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Here’s one from when I had actually put make up on that day, but never got a chance to leave the house. You wanna judge me, that’s cool, but make-up is expensive! Couldn’t let it go to waste.

… Get it? Couldn’t let it go to waste. *fart sound* *record scratches* *canned laughter*

 

 

The Worst Christmas Present

You know that person that never wants or needs anything so they’re impossible to buy for? That’s my brother. I never know what to get him, so instead we came up with a beautiful Christmas tradition…

To try and get each other the worst Christmas presents possible.

 

Here is what I managed to get my brother this year:

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An instructional DVD of how to become a Mary Kay consultant

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A VHS of the classic hit “Crawlers”

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Party Cheetos

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Pete the Repeat Parrot, which is a repeat gift of something that we treasured(?) from our childhood.

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An outdated Algebra textbook for a class he’ll never take

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A Blockbuster membership card

 

Here’s what he got me:

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Fist of all this is the box it came in.

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A DVD to entertain our cats when we’re away… we do not own a cat

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A buttload of expired groceries from my mom’s food storage (that I was told he wrapped the day of)

… Also dehydrated water (which my mom demanded back for some reason? Not pictured.)

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The coup de grace, an actually DVD copy of my number one worst movie I’ve ever seen.

Beautiful.

How To Bake Rice

I was supposed to publish a recipe last Thursday and never got around to it. Did you notice?

To make up for it, I’ll teach you how to make rice without busting your back over the stove. Fair?

 

INGREDIENTS:

1 cup uncooked rice

2 cups water

 

DIRECTIONS:

Heat water in a 2 quart container for 2 minutes in the microwave. Stir rice in immediately, cover and bake. 400° for 20 minutes.

 

Makes PERFECT rice every time! I never make stove top anymore since this one is super easy.