Tag: funny kids

Kids Say the Darndest (December 2021)

valmanwillLeave a comment

CASEY: *out of nowhere* You know what? I could grab a duck.

After buckling Jack into his seat, Dan let one rip and then shut the van door.

JACK: *totally disgusted* Why did Dad do that? That was so clumsy.

MALL SANTA: And what’s your name?

CASEY: *too flustered and excited* I’m Santa. I mean! I’m Santa. I mean! I’m Casey.

I’m pregnant with my third and I told the kids I had a baby in my belly.

JACK: What?? Right now?

ME: Yeah, right in there.

JACK: *super worried* But it’s gonna burst out of your belly! And tear a big hole!??

ME: … *not knowing where to start with this one*

JACK: Oh, well, I guess they could put you back together right?

ME: Yeah, I’ll go to the hospital to get the baby out.

JACK: Oh, that’s okay then.

When I told Casey that my tummy was getting bigger because of the baby he was like:

CASEY: Yeah, and Daddy’s belly too!

Jack has been so excited about the idea of a baby. He constantly talks about it.

JACK: Can I hug your baby? Can I kiss your baby? When the baby comes out I’m gonna rock him in the chair to sleep. Can we name the baby “Case”?

ME: What does the cow say?

CASEY: “Moo.”

ME: What does the Mommy say?

CASEY: “Oink oink.”

ME: Alright, listen you.

I brought home ultrasound pictures to show the boys. As they were looking at the new baby, I asked them whether they thought they were getting a new brother or a sister.

JACK: *pointing to the picture* That’s a brother because he has short hair.

Today at lunch my three-year-old randomly announced.

CASEY: You know what? I have a cool family!

JACK: I really like your hair.

ME: Aww, thank you.

JACK: And I really like your heart.

ME: *crying* Buddy! Thank you!

Kids Say the Darndest (Oct 2021)

valmanwillLeave a comment

Jack kept requesting this video that he called “Stinky Nose”. And we could not figure out for the life of us what “Stinky Nose” was. We were typing it full out into the YouTube search and everything and couldn’t find it. Then finally we discovered that it was a video where they put “sticky notes” all over someone’s house and apparently Jack thinks they’re called “stinky nose”.

Right after installing our Google assistant:
CASEY: Hey Google, can I have a cookie?

ME: Tomorrow you’re going to be three!
CASEY: No, I’m not going to be three. I’m going to be fourteen.
JACK: Then you would be a grown-up

ME: How old are you?
CASEY: THREE!
ME: That’s right! *goes to give a high five*
CASEY: No, this many. *puts two of my fingers down*

JACK: (out of nowhere) We don’t flush cats down the toilet right?
ME: … what?
JACK: Because then people would be sad their pet was gone.

GRANDMA: It’s available for pick up
CASEY: No not “pick up”, it’s called a “hiccup”, grandma.

*Opens a dumdum sucker.*
JACK: Ooh that looks like Saturn!

Found out this month that both of my kids think a mummy is called a “mommy”.

DAN: (teasing) Are you a bus?
CASEY: No, I’m a Casey
DAN: *grabs his foot* Is this your tire?
CASEY: …
*a full minute later*
CASEY: (to himself) I’m a bus.

JACK: I like you
ME: I like you too!
JACK: Yeah we both like us!

Kids Say the Darndest Things (September)

valmanwillLeave a comment

Casey started playing this game where you had to run away from a pretend monster before he gets you. And one time when Dan was playing he named the monster “Mr. Play Dough Head” (for whatever reason). But it stuck and that became the game, running away from Mr. Play Dough Head. Then one night I left Casey alone in the kitchen to wash my hands and he started screaming bloody murder. When I came back he was crying and shaking. I frantically asked what was wrong and he said, “Mr. Play Dough Head is going to eat me!” So at some point Casey decided this was no longer a game, this was now a real threat in our house. And that’s how my poor two year old developed a Mr. Play Dough Head phobia.

ME: It’s fall! Do you know what that means? Do you know what’s going to happen soon?

JACK: Yeah, that’s when you drive over the spikes and the wheels pop and we crash.

ME: wtf … I was gonna say Halloween.

CASEY: I’m a dog. Woof woof. I like to taste you. *licks my arm*

Jack was walking around slowly with his head tilted backward.

DAN: What are you doing, buddy? Are you pretending to be a zombie?

JACK: No. I’m just lookin’ at the air.

CASEY: Can you take this band-aid off my banana? *points to the sticker*

DAN: There’s a dragonfly on that branch. Can you see?

JACK: Yeah, I can see everything. I have two eyes.

Everyone else at Chase Field: *clap, clap, clap-clap-clap* LET’S GO D-BACKS!

My two year old: *clap, clap, clap-clap-clap* LET’S GO PEE PANTS!

JACK: Hey Mom, do you know all the coconuts?

ME: … what?

JACK: Like this *singing* Tell me the coconuts. Tell me the coconuts. Tell me the coconuts now… South America, North America, Central America too…

ME: … do you mean “continents”?

JACK: No, it’s just at school.

We put Casey forward facing in the van and now he backseat drives like no bodies business.

CASEY: GREEN MEANS GO, MOM. DRIVE. … see? I helped you.

I was playing with Jack when suddenly he gently brushed my hair behind my ear.

JACK: I really love you like that.