I always love the “What I got my kids for Christmas” vlogs. But I don’t want to make a vlog because my kids would inevitably see that. But I realized I had never really done that on my blog before (uhhh that I can remember. Did you know that I’ve had my blog for more than five years now??? CRAZY)
SO ANYWAY, I wrote it down on my list of things to potentially write about.
But… I didn’t realize that in writing it…. I would have to expose the truth about myself…

That I’m a little crazy about Christmas.

“A little”.

So here’s the truth. I LOVE BEING SANTA. SANTA FOR DAYZZZZZZ. CHRISTMAS PRESENTS FOR DAYS!!! I started planning this after my birthday in August! My Amazon Christmas list was finished by September. I had it shared with the grandmas by October LET’S GOOOOOOO HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALLLLLLLLL. HO HO HOOOOOOO

I have a whole dang tier system this year.

TIER FIVE: TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS PRESENTS.

Customized stockings with their names on it filled with fidget toys, candy, “Cat’s Vs. Pickles”! Matching woodland creature jammies! A new everyday outfit. Actually MAKE THAT TWO! I’m getting my six year old a LankyBox T-shirt AND Unspeakable shirt. There is no YouTuber too irritating for Christmas this year! My four year old gets a BabyBus Rescue Team tee AND a shirt with a “shivering snowman” on it (his seasonal obsession).

TIER FOUR! LOWER TIER SANTA PRESENTS THAT CAN BE SHARED!

We got coloring books. We got toy bugs. We got water balloons even though it’s freezing outside. You want Aaron Reynolds?? We got Creepy Carrots AND Creepy Crayon! We got a new soccer ball AND net! We got a big magic mat you can draw on with water markers! You never played with a Stomp Rocket before?? WELL NOW YOU CAN!! AFTER YOU PLAY ANTS IN THE PANTS AND DON’T SPILL THE BEANS!!

TIER THREE! SLIGHTLY MORE EXPENSIVE AND INDIVIDUAL PRESENTS FROM SANTA!

I don’t care that all you asked for is a watch and a single car. YOU’RE GETTING A TOY LAPTOP AND A MAZE BOOK TOO! And both of y’all need new shoes. So how about Mario on the right foot and Luigi on the left! How about a pair of CONSTRUCTION CAR SHOES! And then a car that you can take apart like the mini mechanic you are! Just because you’re six months old doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get this COOL MONTESSORI TISSUE BOX, where each pretend crinkly tissue is a different theme. Or how about a toy fabric oven with a squeaky cookie inside?!

TIER TWO! PRESENTS FROM MOM AND DAD UNDER THE TREE!

Oh so you love those irritating YouTubers so much you wanna be one? Well DADDY GOT YOU A KIDDIE INFLUENCER CAMERA SET! And you haven’t had enough cars yet? GOOD! DADDY GOT YOU A WHOLE POLICE INTERACTIVE STATION Hey, baby girl I hope you like your ENTIRE NEW WARDROBE!

TIER ONE! THE COUP DE GRAS!

And last but not least. You know what you two boys need? A GIANT TWO SEATER POWER WHEELS JEEP VROOM VROOM!! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A CONSUMERISM WET DREAM.