Tag: Netflix

13 Thoughts I had watching Baby Shark in Space

valmanwill1 Comment

1. Pinkfong looks so cute when he jumps at the popcorn haha I love foxes so much

2. Donut planet?? Sign me up

3. I’m sorry you’re telling me that Baby Shark can see a broken fragment of spaceship on a distant planet? That’s not super vision at that point, that’s God vision.

4. Did that Gorilla just slap his own ass? Lol

5. I love how the snakes clothes are just mismatched pairs of socks! Makes total sense tbh

6. A deer sees a lion and it’s love?? Girl that’s dangerous. You can’t fix him! You need to go to therapy for your daddy issues.

7. Gorilla-la-la is a jam tho haha

8. So Baby Shark just swims around through the air. I mean I’ve seen a lot of variations of shark movies over the years. Lake sharks, sand sharks, snow sharks. I’ve never seen air sharks. That’s pretty scary honestly

9. Halloween planet. I like that. This all gives me Kingdom Hearts vibes honestly

10. Is that kid dressed as a refrigerator for Halloween? Lololol

11. Why does the video game world have Santa on it? Like did they have to add Santa?

12. If Pinkfong has never been to Baby Sharks home before how did they even meet??? At an intergalactic cartoon convention?

13. This show is cute. I mean I’m pretty desensitized to any annoyance after viewing it 50,000 times.

18 Thoughts I Had While Watching Bridgerton

valmanwillLeave a comment

Well I finally sat down and watched all of Bridgerton. The postpartum hormones always dictate that I must binge a period romance, so I knew this show would hit just right.

1. Important things first: Simon’s butt looks totally fake. Who has a butt like that?? Like two perfect cocoa bowling balls side by side.

2. I like how the bun on Lady Danbury’s head keeps drooping to the side because honestly girl, same.

3 Pretty cool to see minorities in roles that I otherwise wouldn’t see them perform.

4 Why the f does Daphne look like an exact replica of the Wendy Darling cartoon?

5 This is a hecka spicy show. This is two chili symbols on a Thai menu spicy.

6 Wow Simon’s sperm donor of a father is the human equivalent of rat poison.

7. Wait, wait, wait you can have sex on a ladder!?!? Is that possible?

8. Oh, the staircase now? These people have a step fetish.

9 I told Dan that for some reason the swelling orchestral pop covers during the sex scenes made me blush/cringe more. He asked me if I’d rather have 70s porno music and like … maybe??? Idk why it’s so embarrassing to me

10 It’s season two and where is Simon? Simon is just gone now. This major character is a passing commentary now.

11. Why don’t I remember season two as well as season one? All I remember is that Edwina didn’t deserve any of this.

12 Kate has insanely beautiful cheekbones. Is there a better way to say this? Bone structure? “Girl. Nice skull. Good job growing that.”

13. This gazebo has seen more action than I have all summer.

14 Look I’ll say it, Colin Bridgerton is the most naïve dude. Unpopular opinion, but maybe Penn is too good for him after all. She’s definitely too smart for him anyway.

15 Maybe this is me projecting my own neurodivergence, but at first I really disliked Eustace… Wait wtf that’s not her name. That’s the old man from Courage the Cowardly Dog. Eunice? … Eloise!!! WOW. ok. Anyways at first I found her character irritating but after finishing the series I decided that actually no, she is the best one. She is the best Bridgerton. Next season can be her season and all the subsequent seasons like I don’t really care.

16 PS after Googling Eloise’s name I found out Julie Andrews does the voice-over for Lady Whistledown wtf. How did I not piece that together myself???

17 Why do I have such a weakness for men with trauma-induced quirks? THAT STUTTER. THAT FEAR OF BEES.

18 Welp. I finished that in two days… When does season three come out?

Seeing My Own Face as a Witch Mask on Sexy Beasts

valmanwillLeave a comment
I don’t remember being on this show??!!!

Y’all seen this new Netflix train wreck?

The whole tag line of the show is “Can you love someone based on PERSONALITY ALONE?” I literally can’t make it through hearing that tag line without laughing. I cackled as I wrote it just now. Cackled like the witch I apparently am.

Yeah, so, the premise is that these good looking people go on dates with each other under the guise of some weird goofy SFX makeup. And see if they can actually connect without knowing the other person is an aesthetically pleasing human… (even though they definitely know the other person is hot because this is Netflix and casting don’t play.)

I mean look at this. This is a beaver. (Which I think is the best worst episode by the way)

And this… dolphin.

Why the blow hole? Whyyyyy would they do this???

So I’m sitting there having a good time and a good laugh, when suddenly I’m watching the finale…

AND MY OWN DANG FACE SHOWS UP AS ONE OF THE MASKS

WTF

How? Why? How? How does this happen, Netflix? Netflix, where you at? How did you let this happen? Why?

I mean nothing’s more of a self esteem crusher than that. A reality television show that is LITERALLY about people wearing HIDEOUS MASKS to conceal their real beauty. And the HIDEOUS MASK looks exactly like your own damn face.
I really don’t know what the thought process was here. In the board meeting the producers were like… “Okay, episode ten… Rooster. Praying Mantis. Fawn. And 30 year old mom of two in speckled green.”

There were so many ways the make up artist could have taken this. And no. NO. A make up artist literally went Hmmm… this is exactly what an ugly witch would look like.

And BTW, way to out me as a witch, Netflix. I was keeping my dark sorcery under wraps but OKAY. NOW EVERYONE KNOWS.

I just came here to have a good time. I came here to watch some shallow people pretend to have a love connection. I didn’t come here to be insulted and BULLIED like this!

I mean is this just my insecure a$$ or is this UNCANNY WTF. Should I sue????

So I tried to calm down and I was like alright, well maybe the makeup artist didn’t do that great of a job hiding what she looks like in real life and when they reveal her she’ll look like my better looking twin…

NOPE MY FEELINGS ARE HURT

You know what would have been better? If they did the whole big reveal AND IT WAS LITERALLY JUST ME. The guy would be like oh… so… wait, that was actually you’re face? Because I thought…

I’m going back into my lair now. But now that my identity has been revealed, potions and curses available for sale. Special on all eye of newt related products. Contact me if you too are interested in becoming an UGLY WICKED BOSS BABE. Work your own hours. Build your own client base. Unlock spells and abilities as you level up in the coven.