It’s a Wonderful Wife

Well, tis the season for me to talk about something that I have no business being so passionate about. And that something is Mary Hatch Bailey from the movie ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’.

Disclaimer: If you haven’t seen the movie this blog post will not make any sense. Also shame on you, it’s such a classic! You really ought to consider watching it! Just keep in mind that George really isn’t the hero, okay. I’m going to tell you right now that the real hero is Mary. Mary carries the movie, dude. She is the one who saves everybody in every situation and does everything. And I feel that for decades, audiences have unappreciated her as much as George Bailey unappreciated her throughout the movie.

Remember when Black Friday hits and everybody’s running on the bank and they’re about to all go under? Do you know who saved the day? It was Mary. Mary was the one who gave up her honeymoon and all their money. It was Mary’s idea. And did she cry about her own wedding day being ruined? No, she did not. She went out, got them a house, improvised her own honeymoon. Made a full rotisserie chicken over the fireplace, like who is this woman???

So that’s number one. Number two is a spoiler alert because I got to talk about the end of the movie, but Mary is the one who saves George’s a$$. She’s the one who finds out what’s going on, makes a plan, runs around the town asking people for help. That was all Mary! You know what? She was even the one who was like, “Yeah kids, you ought to pray for your dad.” So I’m even going to go as far as to say that the angel actually came from Mary. Mary Bailey, the real angel of the story who could have bust her own large feathery wings when the bell jingles on the Christmas tree in the end.

She saves everybody. She singlehandedly reconstructs an entire abandoned Victorian mansion while having four kids and helping the war effort.

I once knew somebody that disliked Mary. And maybe the reason I became passionate about the subject was because of this one conversation that I had 15 years ago. But this person said that she was a weak character because and I quote, “all she wanted to do was get married”. Okay, excuse me, then how come if George Bailey is never born she decides not to get married at all? Riddle me that piece of information, sir. I just completely disagree with you fifteen plus years later. She gets a college degree. She is a talented cartoonist. You really can’t tell me anything bad about her.

And in fact, I would just like to say that the part where she “became an old maid” makes me laugh every year. I just know those writers were like, “Now how would Mary be worse off without George?” AND THEY COULDN’T THINK OF ANYTHING. The WORST thing that these men writers could think of was, “Okay what if she was a hot single librarian at 35? That would be so tragic.” Like, okay sure. It still makes her a strong as hell character in my opinion, because she had the opportunity to marry hee haw millionaire Sam Wainwright and said no against her mother’s obvious wishes.

DOES THAT SOUND LIKE A CHARACTER WHO “ONLY WANTS TO GET MARRIED”???

So, this is my official petition to rename the movie to, “It’s a Wonderful Wife” because I don’t even know what the story would be without Mary.

What I’m Getting My Kids for Christmas 2022

I always love the “What I got my kids for Christmas” vlogs. But I don’t want to make a vlog because my kids would inevitably see that. But I realized I had never really done that on my blog before (uhhh that I can remember. Did you know that I’ve had my blog for more than five years now??? CRAZY)
SO ANYWAY, I wrote it down on my list of things to potentially write about.
But… I didn’t realize that in writing it…. I would have to expose the truth about myself…

That I’m a little crazy about Christmas.

“A little”.

So here’s the truth. I LOVE BEING SANTA. SANTA FOR DAYZZZZZZ. CHRISTMAS PRESENTS FOR DAYS!!! I started planning this after my birthday in August! My Amazon Christmas list was finished by September. I had it shared with the grandmas by October LET’S GOOOOOOO HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALLLLLLLLL. HO HO HOOOOOOO


I have a whole dang tier system this year.


TIER FIVE: TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS PRESENTS.

Customized stockings with their names on it filled with fidget toys, candy, “Cat’s Vs. Pickles”! Matching woodland creature jammies! A new everyday outfit. Actually MAKE THAT TWO! I’m getting my six year old a LankyBox T-shirt AND Unspeakable shirt. There is no YouTuber too irritating for Christmas this year! My four year old gets a BabyBus Rescue Team tee AND a shirt with a “shivering snowman” on it (his seasonal obsession).


TIER FOUR! LOWER TIER SANTA PRESENTS THAT CAN BE SHARED!

We got coloring books. We got toy bugs. We got water balloons even though it’s freezing outside. You want Aaron Reynolds?? We got Creepy Carrots AND Creepy Crayon! We got a new soccer ball AND net! We got a big magic mat you can draw on with water markers! You never played with a Stomp Rocket before?? WELL NOW YOU CAN!! AFTER YOU PLAY ANTS IN THE PANTS AND DON’T SPILL THE BEANS!!


TIER THREE! SLIGHTLY MORE EXPENSIVE AND INDIVIDUAL PRESENTS FROM SANTA!

I don’t care that all you asked for is a watch and a single car. YOU’RE GETTING A TOY LAPTOP AND A MAZE BOOK TOO! And both of y’all need new shoes. So how about Mario on the right foot and Luigi on the left! How about a pair of CONSTRUCTION CAR SHOES! And then a car that you can take apart like the mini mechanic you are! Just because you’re six months old doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get this COOL MONTESSORI TISSUE BOX, where each pretend crinkly tissue is a different theme. Or how about a toy fabric oven with a squeaky cookie inside?!


TIER TWO! PRESENTS FROM MOM AND DAD UNDER THE TREE!

Oh so you love those irritating YouTubers so much you wanna be one? Well DADDY GOT YOU A KIDDIE INFLUENCER CAMERA SET! And you haven’t had enough cars yet? GOOD! DADDY GOT YOU A WHOLE POLICE INTERACTIVE STATION Hey, baby girl I hope you like your ENTIRE NEW WARDROBE!


TIER ONE! THE COUP DE GRAS!

And last but not least. You know what you two boys need? A GIANT TWO SEATER POWER WHEELS JEEP VROOM VROOM!! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A CONSUMERISM WET DREAM.

Best Worst Christmas Presents 2020

My brother and I have this tradition where we try to give each other the worst Christmas presents possible. And if you haven’t been following along, we’ve basically turned White Elephant into a serious art.

I told my brother that I needed more decorations for my new house… This is the present that arrived on my doorstep:

A giant wall decal of two seniors I don’t know riding a golf cart…

Meanwhile in Utah, my brother opened a personalized calendar, meticulously made with love and care by his dear, dear sister. Merry Cringemas Bro.

Here’s a video I made of our Christmas Morning. Enjoy.