CASEY: *pointing to a white rose* Is this a cactus?
ME: You need to get out of Arizona once and a while.
JACK: This is an easy one. What’s 100 + 80?
ME: I don’t know what?
JACK: Here’s a harder one. What’s baby + daddy?
JACK: A baby daddy.
ME: Hahaha what?
JACK: See that was a harder one.
CAEY: (bawling his absolute eyes out) I need help!
ME: Help with what?
CASEY: To fart on Jack!
ME: Jack can you hand me that pillow on the floor?
JACK: *points to a wrapped up dirty diaper* This?
ME: … No dude.
CASEY: I’m so sweaty! I’m one billion sweaty!
Jack takes his first sip of Mountain Dew ever.
JACK: This tastes like a yellow charge.
Casey has THE cutest habit of accidentally substituting a word for a different word. For example:
CASEY: Mom, watch out. That stick is so, so shark.
CASEY: Mom, I have a new toy car.
ME: Oh, did Daddy tell you what it was?
CASEY: Yes it’s a porch car. I love my new porch.
We were trying to explain crushes to Jack (after his friend brought it up in the car).
ME: A crush is when you love someone so much and they are so special.
DAD: Do you have a crush on someone?
JACK: (thinks a bit) Yes. My crush is baby Andie.
CASEY: (taking giant steps) Prints. Prints. Prints. Prints.
ME: What are you doing?
CASEY: I’m leaving all my footprints on the floor see?
ME: (laughing) You’re so cute!
CASEY: I’m not cute. But flowers are!
Randomly during dinner, Jack blurts out
JACK: That would be so hard if everyone in the world was a baby.
*Dan and I talking in 2014*
ME: What do you think our kids are going to be like?
DAN: I hope they have the very best qualities of both you and I.
CASEY: (running around with his matchbox cars) I’m a bad guy I’m going to get away from the police! You can’t put me in jail! I’m gonna fart attack you! Pbbbbbtttth! Heh heh heh now you’re all icky! (high pitched voice) Oh no! Call the ambulance! We need a mechanic! We’re all farted!