Kids Say the Darndest Things (January)

JACK: We live on (our street name)
CASEY: No, we live in a house!


JACK: Ugh! I can’t reach the fan when I jump. … (quietly to himself) If I had webs I could reach it.


Casey was hangry and crying in the backseat.

DAN: Casey, look, do you want chicken and fries from Popeyes?

CASEY: *sniff* I don’t want Poopeyes.


JACK: Casey, we have 10 minutes left… 10… 9… 8


Dan and I were being dorks and talking to each other in an Italian accent.

CASEY: *scoffs* That’s not what Luigi says!


I was explaining to Jack about Valentines Day when suddenly he got so excited he exclaimed:

JACK: Mom, I’m so proud of you! You make the sky so happy!


Casey sitting in the laundry basket.

CASEY: Moooom push me! I don’t know how to drive this thing!


DAN: Your Mommy’s super cute. What’s her number?
JACK: 31


ME: Hey, baby, can you do me a special favor?
CASEY: Sure I’ll go make you a ice cream! *runs off to the play kitchen without even hearing what the favor was*


I was tucking Jack in for the night when he asked:

JACK: If you made it to 100 that would be a long time right?

ME: Yep. That would be pretty old.

JACK: Yeah, but if you made it to 167 you would break the loop. So that’s why you can’t.

ME: *laying awake in bed for hours staring wide-eyed at the ceiling*

Kids Say the Darndest (December 2021)

CASEY: *out of nowhere* You know what? I could grab a duck.


After buckling Jack into his seat, Dan let one rip and then shut the van door.

JACK: *totally disgusted* Why did Dad do that? That was so clumsy.


MALL SANTA: And what’s your name?

CASEY: *too flustered and excited* I’m Santa. I mean! I’m Santa. I mean! I’m Casey.


I’m pregnant with my third and I told the kids I had a baby in my belly.

JACK: What?? Right now?

ME: Yeah, right in there.

JACK: *super worried* But it’s gonna burst out of your belly! And tear a big hole!??

ME: … *not knowing where to start with this one*

JACK: Oh, well, I guess they could put you back together right?

ME: Yeah, I’ll go to the hospital to get the baby out.

JACK: Oh, that’s okay then.


When I told Casey that my tummy was getting bigger because of the baby he was like:

CASEY: Yeah, and Daddy’s belly too!


Jack has been so excited about the idea of a baby. He constantly talks about it.

JACK: Can I hug your baby? Can I kiss your baby? When the baby comes out I’m gonna rock him in the chair to sleep. Can we name the baby “Case”?


ME: What does the cow say?

CASEY: “Moo.”

ME: What does the Mommy say?

CASEY: “Oink oink.”

ME: Alright, listen you.


I brought home ultrasound pictures to show the boys. As they were looking at the new baby, I asked them whether they thought they were getting a new brother or a sister.

JACK: *pointing to the picture* That’s a brother because he has short hair.


Today at lunch my three-year-old randomly announced.

CASEY: You know what? I have a cool family!


JACK: I really like your hair.

ME: Aww, thank you.

JACK: And I really like your heart.

ME: *crying* Buddy! Thank you!

Kids Say the Darndest (November 2021)

Casey had his annual check up and right when he got his flu shot he said:
CASEY: I got hurted today!
And then later in the car he was quiet for a long time and finally said all offended:
CASEY: They shot me!


JACK: Baby shark doesn’t have arms. He just has triangles
DAN: … fins?


DAN: Who’s your favorite brother?
JACK: Casey
CASEY: Google
JACK: (offended) That’s just nothing!
CASEY Oh, okay, how about Jack.


JACK: *talking to his toy pancake* Hey Food, you want to come to my room with me? *puts his ear on top of the toy pancake* … the food says yes.


JACK: Do you wanna play a challenge game with me?
CASEY: No, I’m busy. *starts playing with a toy car* Beep beep beep


*Puts his hand on my head and then takes it off quickly*
CASEY: It was on your head.
ME: What was it?? A bug?
CASEY: No, a hand.


UNCLE JEREMY: I’m the boss!
CASEY: I’m the bus.
UNCLE JEREMY: No, I’m the boss.
CASEY: Yeah, we’re both buses.


*A legit actual conversation that happened in the minivan*

JACK: What day of the week is it?
ME: Thursday.
CASEY: No, it’s “Fives-day”
JACK: No, it’s not “Fives-day”! If it were “Fives-day” it would be the weekend! Like “Saturn-day”.
ME: … *trying not to laugh*
JACK: Mom, can we go to Saturn? I’ve never been to Saturn before.
ME: Oh, me neither.
JACK: We can go and it will have rings… (quietly) And Uncle Ryan will be there.
ME: What? *not able to hold back my laugh* Uncle Ryan lives in Utah.
JACK: …
ME: …
JACK: Can we go to Utah?
ME: Yeah, hopefully sometime soon.
JACK: (to himself) And I can wear my purple pants. Because I’ve never worn my purple pants in Utah before.