Husband Says the Darndest Things

So my husband has this weird little quick. (“little”) He likes to make up his own words for EVERYTHING. Like he basically speaks a different language. So below I’ve included a language key so you too can learn Danlish. Enjoy!

(Yes, these are real. No, they’re not just a one time thing, there are genuinely the words he’ll use in our everyday conversations)

Casey – Keke
Jack – Jeff
Andie – Andrew (I hate this one)
Valerie – Valwee
Wife – Whiff
Fishsticks- Finch sticks
Big – Pig (Jack is a Pig boy. He goes to a Pig school)
Christmas – grinchmas
Lunch – Lanch
Breakfast – Beef fast
Car – *heavy Australian accent* the caaaah
Wife Swap – wiffity swahp
Catfish – scabidoo scabidoo scatfish
Valentines – Val n Tiny Day
Friday Night Funkin – Friday Night Pumpkin
Hide and seek- Hide and stink
John Lennon – Jane Lennon
British – (loudly) BRIH-ISH
Best friend – Beast friend
Disneyland – Dizzy land (which now our four year old believes is the real name)
Splash Mountain – The Zipadee Doo Dah Ride
Facebook – Fa-cay Bookay
Cuddle – Cubble
B*tch – Bih
Shampoo – Shampoopoo
Shower – Showder
Wendy’s – Wendizzle
McDonalds – The MacDaddy
Little Ceasars – Lil’ Steeze
Red Robin – Red Robby
Texas Roadhouse – Te-has
Zupas – Zoops Soups
Applebees – A$$hole-bees

Chili’s – Chilitos
Mac n cheese – snack and cheese

And finally…

Chick Fil A — Chicken Phallus palace

13 Thoughts I had watching Baby Shark in Space

1. Pinkfong looks so cute when he jumps at the popcorn haha I love foxes so much

2. Donut planet?? Sign me up

3. I’m sorry you’re telling me that Baby Shark can see a broken fragment of spaceship on a distant planet? That’s not super vision at that point, that’s God vision.

4. Did that Gorilla just slap his own ass? Lol

5. I love how the snakes clothes are just mismatched pairs of socks! Makes total sense tbh

6. A deer sees a lion and it’s love?? Girl that’s dangerous. You can’t fix him! You need to go to therapy for your daddy issues.

7. Gorilla-la-la is a jam tho haha

8. So Baby Shark just swims around through the air. I mean I’ve seen a lot of variations of shark movies over the years. Lake sharks, sand sharks, snow sharks. I’ve never seen air sharks. That’s pretty scary honestly

9. Halloween planet. I like that. This all gives me Kingdom Hearts vibes honestly

10. Is that kid dressed as a refrigerator for Halloween? Lololol

11. Why does the video game world have Santa on it? Like did they have to add Santa?

12. If Pinkfong has never been to Baby Sharks home before how did they even meet??? At an intergalactic cartoon convention?

13. This show is cute. I mean I’m pretty desensitized to any annoyance after viewing it 50,000 times.

Kids Say the Darndest (December 2021)

CASEY: *out of nowhere* You know what? I could grab a duck.


After buckling Jack into his seat, Dan let one rip and then shut the van door.

JACK: *totally disgusted* Why did Dad do that? That was so clumsy.


MALL SANTA: And what’s your name?

CASEY: *too flustered and excited* I’m Santa. I mean! I’m Santa. I mean! I’m Casey.


I’m pregnant with my third and I told the kids I had a baby in my belly.

JACK: What?? Right now?

ME: Yeah, right in there.

JACK: *super worried* But it’s gonna burst out of your belly! And tear a big hole!??

ME: … *not knowing where to start with this one*

JACK: Oh, well, I guess they could put you back together right?

ME: Yeah, I’ll go to the hospital to get the baby out.

JACK: Oh, that’s okay then.


When I told Casey that my tummy was getting bigger because of the baby he was like:

CASEY: Yeah, and Daddy’s belly too!


Jack has been so excited about the idea of a baby. He constantly talks about it.

JACK: Can I hug your baby? Can I kiss your baby? When the baby comes out I’m gonna rock him in the chair to sleep. Can we name the baby “Case”?


ME: What does the cow say?

CASEY: “Moo.”

ME: What does the Mommy say?

CASEY: “Oink oink.”

ME: Alright, listen you.


I brought home ultrasound pictures to show the boys. As they were looking at the new baby, I asked them whether they thought they were getting a new brother or a sister.

JACK: *pointing to the picture* That’s a brother because he has short hair.


Today at lunch my three-year-old randomly announced.

CASEY: You know what? I have a cool family!


JACK: I really like your hair.

ME: Aww, thank you.

JACK: And I really like your heart.

ME: *crying* Buddy! Thank you!