Kids Say the Darndest Things (September)

Casey started playing this game where you had to run away from a pretend monster before he gets you. And one time when Dan was playing he named the monster “Mr. Play Dough Head” (for whatever reason). But it stuck and that became the game, running away from Mr. Play Dough Head. Then one night I left Casey alone in the kitchen to wash my hands and he started screaming bloody murder. When I came back he was crying and shaking. I frantically asked what was wrong and he said, “Mr. Play Dough Head is going to eat me!” So at some point Casey decided this was no longer a game, this was now a real threat in our house. And that’s how my poor two year old developed a Mr. Play Dough Head phobia.


ME: It’s fall! Do you know what that means? Do you know what’s going to happen soon?

JACK: Yeah, that’s when you drive over the spikes and the wheels pop and we crash.

ME: wtf … I was gonna say Halloween.


CASEY: I’m a dog. Woof woof. I like to taste you. *licks my arm*


Jack was walking around slowly with his head tilted backward.

DAN: What are you doing, buddy? Are you pretending to be a zombie?

JACK: No. I’m just lookin’ at the air.


CASEY: Can you take this band-aid off my banana? *points to the sticker*


DAN: There’s a dragonfly on that branch. Can you see?

JACK: Yeah, I can see everything. I have two eyes.


Everyone else at Chase Field: *clap, clap, clap-clap-clap* LET’S GO D-BACKS!

My two year old: *clap, clap, clap-clap-clap* LET’S GO PEE PANTS!


JACK: Hey Mom, do you know all the coconuts?

ME: … what?

JACK: Like this *singing* Tell me the coconuts. Tell me the coconuts. Tell me the coconuts now… South America, North America, Central America too…

ME: … do you mean “continents”?

JACK: No, it’s just at school.


We put Casey forward facing in the van and now he backseat drives like no bodies business.

CASEY: GREEN MEANS GO, MOM. DRIVE. … see? I helped you.


I was playing with Jack when suddenly he gently brushed my hair behind my ear.

JACK: I really love you like that.

Kids Say the Darndest Things (Aug 2021)

JACK: Your butt is big, Mom.

ME: Okay, thanks.

JACK: I mean, it’s super DUPER big.

ME: Okay! I got it!


CASEY: (spinning) I’m dizzy!

ME: (making a dumb Dad Joke) What do you want to do, Dizzy?

CASEY: I want to go to Dizzy-land!


Lately Casey has been calling Jack, “my Jack”. Like, “Where is my Jack?” “There’s my Jack! My Jack is back!” He also has been insisting that they wear the same color of shirt everyday. So today, when he saw Jack was wearing a red shirt, he demanded to be changed out of his blue shirt.

CASEY: I don’t match my Jack! No, I need to match my Jack!


A wasp landed on Jack Heroically, Dan swatted it away.

JACK: No I wanted him! He liked me!


We went on a hike and my two-year-old starting singing aloud every single thing that was happening.

CASEY: (cheerful singing) There’s lots of sand. And lots of mud. I’m farting. I farted and mommy laughed.


The boys caught a cold.

ME: (checking in) How are you feeling?

JACK: I feel better.

CASEY: I feel cough.


On the same note. Casey’s cough worsened, which always aggravates his sensitive gag reflex. After the grossest sounding cough turned hacking gag/possible slight puke, he turns to me and very calmly and politely says

CASEY: I have a little cough.


ME: Coconuts.

JACK: Cock and nuts?

ME: That’s definitely not how you pronounce it…


A while ago, I wrote about Jack mispronouncing the word “freckle”. The other day, Dan and I learned that Casey calls it “a peckle”. And this is my official petition to change the word freckle to peckle.

Kids Say the Darndest Things (July 2021)

CASEY: (yelling) Tickle me! Tickle me!

ME: Shhh!

CASEY: (whispers) Tickle me. Tickle me.


ME: Hold on, I gotta get dressed before we go swimming.

JACK: It’s not called a dress It’s called a swimming suit

Meanwhile Casey is over here calling his a “swim soup”


Every time Casey finishes a book he enthusiastically calls out “AMEN!” instead of “The End”.


So my husband passionately hates Sour Cream and Cheddar chips. (I know what’s up with that??) One day he was trying to indoctrinate my child away from liking those chips by referring to them as “stinky fart chips”. Not only does Jack still like those chips, but now he permanently calls them “fart chips”.

JACK: Can I have fart chips with my sandwich?


CASEY: (every time he’s about to go down the slide) Here come me!


Jack insisted on wearing his underwear backwards. When my husband asked why he said

JACK: Because I don’t like the pocket in the front.


CASEY: (rolling on the couch) I’m a wiggly, wiggly worm!!


One night Jack called out to in terror. Dan rushed in and asked what was wrong.

JACK: (crying) I can’t count to zero!
DAN: … No one can count to zero. Go back to sleep.


ME: Hey. I love you.
CASEY: Oh, I glad.