Why is House Hunting Exactly like Dating?

So, I mentioned in my last post that Dan and I have become serious about house buying. Woo hoo! But also AAAH scary!

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I’ve always loved looking at houses, browsing floor plans, perusing open houses and so I thought that the process would be a lot of fun.

Nope.

Guess what it basically was.

Dating.

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I’m serious. It felt the freaking same dude. Every weekend you’re going out to see them and getting to know them and trying to figure out if maybe there’s a future there. And hi! It was just as stressful. To be completely honest.

One guy would have a great kitchen, but kind of a horrible backyard. Another guy would be like not great curb appeal, but wasn’t looking for cookie-cutter anyway I could give him a chance. Ooh, this guy has a lot of what I’m looking for… Woah, never mind, no way I can afford this guy. It was basically exhausting.

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We had the long-distance relationship thing. Perfect house, great looking, big lot, kid-friendly. But he was just too darn far away. Like out in the middle of nowhere far away. As much as we loved him, we couldn’t figure out how to make it work between us.

We even had the toxic relationship thing…

One day I swiped right on Zillow. And wow, this house was really attractive. I mean, everyone was going after this house. I tried to set up a private date with my realtor but when I got there, everyone else and their literal dog were there. Like busier than an actual open house.

At first, I was insecure, like should I offer? He’s way too handsome! But he accepted MY offer! Out of everyone! And I was SO stoked!

And then we got the inspection done.

And I was like, wow dude. You need some work. Your AC unit is 30 years old. You need new paint and your pool is trashed, bro. But no, our relationship was AS IS. So OKAY FINE. I’ll just deal with it. Whatever. We can still make this work.

And then the appraisal came in.

20K LOWER than our original deal. He wasn’t going to change. He was seriously NOT GOING TO CHANGE A THING ABOUT HIMSELF, NOT EVEN HIS PRICE. So we were like BOY BYE!!!

And I swear to you, this ex house was pending another girls offer like not even a week later. WOW.

So glad to be out of THAT situation. Not worth it.

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Things kind of lowkey sucked for the next couple of weeks. I just couldn’t feel a connection with any other house. I was even thinking about stopping the house hunt for a while and like hunting myself. You know? Just to slow things down and figure out what I really want.

BUT… I have to tell you…

Dan and I have been dating a house and it’s pretty serious. Like seriously serious. Like accepted offer serious. We still have to go through the whole inspection/appraisal snafu again. But, I really actually think this one is THE ONE.

Updates to come later!

A Halloween Themed Embarrassing Story for Actual Halloween

It’s been so dang long since I’ve told an embarrassing story. Too long! And it’s not that I don’t have any. I have MORE THAN FREAKING ENOUGH. So, here you go, here’s a Halloween themed one for you.

So once upon a time, my friends and I decided to go to this “new and upcoming” haunted spot. Well, so okay, it wasn’t new new. When I was a teenager, everyone basically had trespassed at Kay’s Cross at one time or another. It was like this weird stone cross in the middle of this wooded area that no one really knew who built it or why. It was assumed that it was built by this Cult leader in the 20s. And anyway, just a lot of mythos and legend surrounding the place.

Kay's cross

So, a few years ago, the owners of the property decided to give tours of this creepy place. And I had never actually gone to Kay’s Cross as an adventurous teenager so I was like, Hey. What’s a better “quarter-life” crisis than this, huh?

I remember as we were driving there, I was so freaked out for some reason. It was me and another married couple (like my usual life) And even just driving there we were jumping at everything. Wrong turn OOOOOOH. Dark culdesac OOOOOOH. A kid on a moped. OOOOOOOOOOOOH.

spooky

We get there and NOT A SPONSOR. But that place was crazy amazing. It was just some kid taking us on this spooky wooded walk, telling us weird stories about things that had happened there. And I was EATING IT THE FREAK UP. Like I don’t know if it was the atmosphere or what. But I was CREEPED THE HECK OUTTA THERE.

I feel like the traditional haunted house nowadays are built solely on the idea of jumpscares. Which, sure… spending twenty-five dollars to be yelled at for an hour is traumatizing I guess. But this place was entirely different (at least at the time that I went to it. I haven’t been back… probably because of the following story…)

We get to this heavily wooded spot and our tour guide announces to keep our eyes open because this is usually a spot where people “see things”. He said that every single time they walk through this spot at least one person in the group will see a dark figure or like a child or something. Again, I AM BUYING INTO THIS SO HARD. The power of suggestion is NO JOKE! Really!

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Now JUST LIKE I MENTIONED BEFORE… in a traditional haunted house, a guy with a chainsaw is a good jump scare but like the loud sound just kind of melts into the rest of the background. You know what I mean? There’s nothing really that special about it.

BUT THIS TIME it was TOTALLY DIFFERENT!

Everything had lead up to this one moment. Like this slow, eerie, dead-quiet build-up for a half an hour. And then BOOM, this loud chainsaw starts BRRBRRRR-RRRRR! My scream was so loud it tore up my throat on the way out. And also … something else happened…

An uncontrollable stream… no freaking joke… I am not talking about a little piddle. I am telling you that MY BLADDER EMPTIED. COMPLETELY. Down my freaking leg.

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Okay, I had always heard that joke. That someone could be so scared they pee themselves. I DIDN’T REALIZE JUST HOW BAD IT COULD BE IN REAL LIFE.

And don’t forget, I carpooled with someone… so I wrap my coat around my freaking waist so I wouldn’t get pee all over their seat. It was bad.

puddle

So yeah. I’m a baby. I apparently need to start wearing diapers to haunted houses now. It’s cool.