So I Went to See a Psychic…

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Several months ago I learned that there was a psychic just around the corner from my house… and I set up an appointment with her.

Dan thought it was the cringiest thing ever to spend money on a psychic. But I was really curious. Not that I believed in it necessarily, but people pay to go and see magicians all the time even though they know it’s an illusion. So why couldn’t I go and do this for the entertainment value? I mean I knew it was an illusion. That they use super broad questions and statements to make it seem like they’re saying something about you. And just the same as a magician, I wanted to see if I could catch her in the act and analyze how her storytelling.

So that’s how I went in. As a skeptic… Then, I came out a believer.

It was not at all how I thought it was going to be. Her statements were not generalized, in fact they were extremely specific. She didn’t lead me with a single question. Not even a how ya doing. She literally had me sit down, I said nothing, not even my name. And then told me point blank about my life with total accuracy. It was EERIE.

Here are some of the things she told me:

“You have a really positive family energy around you. But you’re worried about Mom’s health… this is something that’s been happening for a couple of years… something that’s declined her health but not affected the quality of her life. I expect she’ll still have another 10 years of really good quality life, so take advantage of this.” A couple of years ago my mom had cancer. She had a major surgery to remove the tumor, which also took her spleen and kidney as well. As of now my mom is okay, but because she no longer has a spleen, she’s immunocompromised and COVID has been extra stressful for our family. There’s no way that this psychic could have known that. I’ve never publicly expressed about my mother’s health until now.

“I see a gathering… your family will all gather and reunite sometime this year. It will be a happy occasion. I also see a wedding happening in your family this year.” My brother and sister-in-law are planning a wedding in Kosovo for August  

“Career energy is low. You’re not where you want to be. You’re disappointed. You’re just going through the motions, dreaming of… a promotion or an advancement of some kind… I see two projects. The first project was supposed to be done by the end of the year. And it wasn’t and you’re frustrated by this. I see this project coming to an end soon… something really positive will happen in April. April will advance you in some way but be hectic and busy for you… the second project… is very positive. Very, very positive energy about the second project! … this second project will get you the advancement you want. These projects will keep you very busy this year.” I never told this woman that I was a writer. At the time of the reading I had been working on two books. I had a goal to finish the first one by the end of the year but wasn’t able to. April was Camp NaNoWriMo where I worked on a big chunk of the second book! I had not told anyone that I was planning to execute such an ambitious NaNoWriMo in April…

“I keep feeling ‘classes’ are coming your way… but you won’t return to school… were you a teacher? I think you’ll begin teaching again. You’ll have your own ‘classes’… I also see… something in the community. A director. You’ll be a director for the community… you don’t think you have the ability to do this but it’s in your potential and you’ll excel at this.” The only question she asked the whole time, I said yes, I was a teacher but didn’t tell her what I was a teacher of… she came up with the word director herself.

“A child was supposed to come, but something happened, something delayed this… This year you’ll make preparations for the child but the timing will be hard to get right… I see a little longer to get pregnant, it might put you on edge… I see more the beginning of 2022… It will be a very easy pregnancy, right until the end and then there’s a complication, something very difficult right at the end… But the baby will be healthy… And it will be a girl.” Daniel and I were originally going to try for a baby after moving into the new house but put it off due to coronavirus. We had just started talking about trying again.

“You’ve been afraid of this new phase of life. The addition of this child. Because things have been difficult already and they’re supposed to be ‘the best years of your life’. But this isn’t true… and they won’t be the best years of your life. You’ll step into this new phase with competence.”

“I see a total of four children. I think the last one will be a happy surprise. But you’ll be content and excited. Only a little nervous because of the ending difficulty of the pregnancy before.”

“I see you moving out of Arizona… you like it here and will be settled and happy for a few more years… It’ll be somewhere in the West, I don’t see you going to the East coast… and not costal… inland. Somewhere with mountains. You’ll be pulled toward the mountains. I see it’s a career opportunity and that it’s a happy move. You’ll travel back to Arizona often and have ties here.” We’ve always talked about returning to Utah if we get the chance.

“A see a second property. In Arizona. It will be a good investment for you and your husband.” This one freaked us out! Just the other week we had played around with the idea of purchasing a condo and renting it out. We were only being half-serious and hadn’t told a single soul we thought about doing that! She brought up the second property a couple of times!

“Your husband is a very good man. Very giving. And supportive. Would do anything for anyone. You are just as good as him. You have positive energy together. You trust each other very well. I see you lasting… His health is very good. He will live a long life… All your children will be healthy as well…”

She also described a few of my friends with COMPLETE accuracy. Their genders, their personalities, the problems they’re facing. That one was super spot on, but due to the nature of the problems I don’t want to say who these friends were that she brought up.

I don’t know how she could have known some of those things. (There was a lot of other things that got right, but I can’t put everything down). But it was AWESOME. She is REAL. I told one of my friends about her and she scheduled a virtual reading with her. She said completely different stuff to my friend and all that stuff was COMPLETELY ACCURATE AS WELL! As the year goes on we keep marking tallies of all the things that have come true from our psychic.

She hasn’t been wrong yet.

Kids Say the Darndest Things (June 2021)

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JACK: (flexing) I’m so strong, look at my elbows! 

In the bath.

CASEY: (points to the body wash) Okay. I’m ready for the slime!

JACK: Mom, ask me if whales are nice.

ME: Are Whales nice?

JACK: Yeah.

*No follow up context*


CASEY: Look Mommy I’m on the table. (starts dancing)

ME: What are you doing up there?

CASEY: Just bein’ myself.

Jack was taking very slow and loud breaths.

JACK: (whispers to himself) I’m doing such a good job breathing.


At my friend’s house, Casey asked for a slice of cheese. He was so insistent on it that my friend caved and let him have one. Then we watched as he put the slice of cheese on a scooter and gave it a ride around the apartment. He never ate it.

Jack kept asking me to wipe his butt for him. I explained to him that once he turned five, he would go to Kindergarten and he would have to wipe his butt all by himself. The next day, we heard him yell this from the bathroom.

JACK: Can someone wipe my bum!? I’m still four! I’m not five yet!

I was outside when a breeze sounded off some wind chimes nearby.

CASEY: (excited) Mommy, do you hear that magic?

JACK: I had a dream I was at a party and there was a fire! I turned into a fire truck and put out the fire!

ME: That’s great, buddy! Good job!

JACK: …

ME: …

JACK: I wet the bed.

Three Things You Didn’t Know About Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

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A long time ago, toward the beginning of the 2020 quarantine, I posted this joke:

And well YOU ASKED FOR IT.

So here are my top three break-down theories on Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. (Spoilers. But if you haven’t seen this movie yet, I really don’t know what you’re waiting for)

1 Cameron Fry is the protagonist. Ferris Bueller is the narrator

The last time I watched this movie, I thought to myself, “This would make an excellent YA novel from the point of view of Cameron Fry.” That’s when the dynamic really became clear. This movie is Cameron’s story. Not Ferris’.

At the beginning of the movie, we see Ferris Bueller… super cool, untouchable, clever, and mischievous. And at the end of the movie, we see Ferris Bueller… super cool, untouchable, clever, and mischievous. He remains constant throughout the movie, he doesn’t have an arc. He doesn’t change. And he’s not supposed to! He acts as a constant change agent that shapes all the other characters around him. (More on that in point two).

In the contrast, we see Cameron at the beginning of the movie- sick, miserable, “not dying, just can’t think of anything good to do”. The character has a problem to be solved, like all good and compelling protagonists. He’s about to make a change. It’s The Hero’s Journey. He’s had the literal “call to adventure” and is now being forced out of his comfort zone into this crazy escapade with his best friend.

It’s not even Ferris’ DAY OFF, if you think about it. Ferris has already missed school nine times up to this point. This is Cameron’s Day Off.

Ferris is the narrator for Cameron’s story. Even stylistically, he breaks the fourth wall to look into the camera and address the audience directly. If you still don’t believe Cameron is the main character, consider this: Ferris doesn’t talk about the other characters. He’s not telling you how he met Sloane. Hardly the only thing he says about Jeanie is that she got a car and he didn’t. Throughout the movie, he tells the audience about Cameron. His cold relationships with his parents, his character flaws. Cameron Fry is the focus because he is about to make the biggest change (AKA protagonist)

2. Ferris helps the characters grow up not down

At a quick glance, you might think that Ferris is encouraging his friends to go off on a childish adventure. But he’s not. He’s forcing them to challenge authority and assume their own identities as adults. They’re not skipping school to go to the local arcade (which is what Rooney thinks they’re doing). He’s taking them to art museums, fine restaurants, and even the stock exchange. At every moment he’s challenging them to give up their passive childhood for an independent adulthood. Even Sloane is challenged by Ferris in this way when he asks her if she wants to get married.

It’s not about the irresponsibility, although he knows how to do that well. As the active change agent in the story he has a motive for each person. For example, it’s not about stealing the car, he’s getting Cameron to challenge his father.

In the B story, Jeanie is also forced to change in this way. She constantly gripes and moans about having no control in her life (If I was BLEEDING out my eyes you’d still make me go to school). Then after a therapeutic conversation with Charlie Sheen, she has FERRIS busting his a$$ to beat her home and SHE is the one to save him from Rooney. In parellel to Cameron’s story, she takes back her control.

3. Ferris Bueller is actually John Lennon

You really think I could go one blog post without mentioning this guy??

Okay but this is FOR REAL. I know a fellow Lennon-obsessed writer when I see one. And Hughes no-doubt-in-my-mind modeled Ferris Bueller after John Lennon. He basically tells us upfront.

Ferris first directly name drops Lennon to the audience, by quoting; “I don’t believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.” Then he tells us, “I could be The Walrus.”

Ferris spends the movie as the leader, challenging authority and encouraging mischief and mayhem a la “A Hard Day’s Night”. Hughes even recreated the same shot of them jumping in slow motion with their arms raised.

Then of course to cap it all off. He lip syncs to Twist and Shout on the parade float. And I really don’t know how you can get anymore obvious than that.

If you don’t believe that Hughes would go to such lengths to model a character after Lennon, consider The Breakfast Club, when the janitor readily admits that he wanted to “grow up and become John Lennon”. Or when Brian the Brain whispers to himself about being The Walrus.

At the very end of the film, Ferris leans back in his hands and says the classic line, “Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once and a while you could miss it.”

…Which is supposedly a derivative of this quote…

BONUS!

I truly feel that I would be amiss to not lead you into this excellent conspiracy theory from the inner depth of Redditt. The theory is that Ferris is actually a figment of Cameron’s imagination. It’s a more compelling theory than you would think! I’ll leave the video here, so you can have your mind blown.