My Unsolicited Advice

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(I literally just sat down and typed up all of the general advice I give people when they ask… you didn’t ask… but here you go anyway hahaha)

#1

If you are considering starting a family with someone, imagine what it would be like to raise that particular person as a child. Because you will be if you have a family with them. All the weaknesses and quirks they have will be present in miniature form. Is that something you can handle?

#2

If you’re test piloting a new relationship or friendship you can get a snapshot of the person’s recreational style by taking them on a hike.
There are two types of people on a hike…

Person A: “Let’s go all the way to the top.” “C’mon, don’t slow down! Let’s see how fast we can do it!” “Let’s hang glide off the top and then go jet skiing after this.”
Person B: “Wow, a creek! Let’s stop here and talk about life for an hour. Take a picture of me by this cool tree. Let’s follow this butterfly!”

Likely you found one of these hikes more fun than the other. The way someone hikes so often reflects their vacation style (packed itinerary vs relaxing) and just how they like to have fun in general. I’m not saying you wouldn’t be compatible with said person, because A and B people can help balance each other out. But I AM saying that this conflict will come up. And it’s just good to have a heads up on that and also test how flexible the other person is to the things you like to do.

#3

My top parenting advice is to watch Daniel Tiger together with your child. Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood is written with extensive input from early learning specialists and it models the authoritative parenting approach extremely well. The little songs are short and easy to use in the moment. I just find Daniel Tiger super informative and helpful for both the parent and child.

#4

The other parenting advice (information) I have, is that you will be parenting yourself as you parent your children. Your children are not half as hard as parenting yourself so be an extra kind parent. Give yourself kind words when things are tough. Don’t force yourself to live up to anyone else’s expectations, let you be you! Take an interest in yourself and what you like and allow yourself to explore that. You know, all good kind parent stuff.

#5

Here’s something, a secret more than advice. Your thirties are going to be way better than your twenties. Yes, you’re skinnier in your twenties. Yes, you have more freedom to play around. But your thirties is when you finally step in to yourself. You’re smarter and generally more capable. Thirties are really really great. Don’t let the anti-aging cosmetic marketing team fool you.

#6

And finally, meet yourself where you are. Whatever that means for you. Little by little DOES make a HUGE difference. If you can’t do it all do the smallest part of it. Wash one pot. Clip your fingernail. Write one email. Have some takeout today. Good job! You did something, anything. And that’s all you need. The smallest steps have saved my butt.

13 Thoughts I had watching Baby Shark in Space

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1. Pinkfong looks so cute when he jumps at the popcorn haha I love foxes so much

2. Donut planet?? Sign me up

3. I’m sorry you’re telling me that Baby Shark can see a broken fragment of spaceship on a distant planet? That’s not super vision at that point, that’s God vision.

4. Did that Gorilla just slap his own ass? Lol

5. I love how the snakes clothes are just mismatched pairs of socks! Makes total sense tbh

6. A deer sees a lion and it’s love?? Girl that’s dangerous. You can’t fix him! You need to go to therapy for your daddy issues.

7. Gorilla-la-la is a jam tho haha

8. So Baby Shark just swims around through the air. I mean I’ve seen a lot of variations of shark movies over the years. Lake sharks, sand sharks, snow sharks. I’ve never seen air sharks. That’s pretty scary honestly

9. Halloween planet. I like that. This all gives me Kingdom Hearts vibes honestly

10. Is that kid dressed as a refrigerator for Halloween? Lololol

11. Why does the video game world have Santa on it? Like did they have to add Santa?

12. If Pinkfong has never been to Baby Sharks home before how did they even meet??? At an intergalactic cartoon convention?

13. This show is cute. I mean I’m pretty desensitized to any annoyance after viewing it 50,000 times.

Andie’s Birth Story

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Today my daughter is nine months old and has been officially “out as long as she’s been in”. So I thought it would be really fun to recount her birth story. Idk why, but I’m always fascinated to hear about everyone’s birth stories. I think it’s morbid curiosity. Like road kill. I just wanna look real quick. “How bad was it for you? Ooh really and then what went wrong?” If you’re not into that, I get it. And if you are, I get it!

So my labor and delivery story with Andie Jean is WEIRD. I was so smarmy going into it, thinking this is my third rodeo and that I would know exactly what to expect. NOPE.

The contractions started on a Monday and these were no Braxton Hicks tickles, this was the real deal. At least that’s what I thought. They would come on and become very painful and regular. 5 minutes apart, lasting a minute each. But then they would go away? Honestly, I had never heard of preterm labor like this until I had it myself.

After the first 24 hours of these contractions that go nowhere I called my doctor’s office. “Hi. I think I’m in labor?” So they told me to come in and get checked. My doctor said I was at a three. Which kinda seemed like I was in labor, but also maybe not? She stripped my membranes and I just went home and hoped for the best.

I labored all night and into the next day. Going from okay this is seriously it get the hospital bags to wait never mind they went away. I had NEVER had a labor this confusing. With my boys it was totally straight forward. Pains. Hospital. Push. But this girl couldn’t make up her mind!

Our babysitter came over Tuesday night just in case and Daniel and I walked aimlessly around the neighborhood until eleven or twelve at night. Finally I just got sick of it and told everyone to go to bed.

I had that weirdo start and stop labor all night and into the next day. Finally Wednesday evening I decided just to go into the hospital. By all accounts they were hospital worthy labor pains. Five minutes apart, lasting a minute for a full hour. And sometimes so painful I couldn’t talk or breathe during.

Dan and I got to the hospital at around four or so. We left the suitcase in our car because the labor had stopped again and I was pretty sure they were going to send me home. But when the nurses checked me, I was at a five. They didn’t know what to do either. They said they didn’t dare send me home if I was already at a five with my third child but my contractions mysteriously stopped. (Which I was embarrassed about, but like why though? Haha idk. It’s not like I could control them)

They told me to walk around the hospital a bit. Which didn’t surprise me, because that’s what happened with Casey. Except with Casey the labor progressed instantly when I walked around. This time it started, stopped and then hurt but “not in a productive way” is how I phrased it to Dan.

They checked me again and I was at a six. Which sorta weirded me out because that should be pretty active labor but I had no contractions and I felt pretty “normal”. Because I was so far along they told me that “I could stay and have my baby”.

I got checked in and moved into a birthing sweet at around 7 or so. Since they were starting me on Pitocin I asked if I could have an epidural at the same time. (The prospect of never feeling active labor was pretty encouraging). The epidural went okay. Not perfect like with Jack, but not horrific like with Casey. Just a lot of pressure pain and patience as they tried to get it in right. They did confirm that my spine was crooked like the other anesthesiologist said. But they said it was because the baby was pushing on it from the inside! Mothers are TOUGH dude.

So I laid in bed with an epidural and Pitocin, the nurse said, “Just go to bed and then wake up and have a baby.”
So I slept a little. But that baby was not coming.
8pm. 9pm. 10pm. 11pm. Midnight.
Slowest progression ever.
1am. 2am. 3am. 4am.
I went from a 6 to an 8 on like 10 hours of Pitocin. The nurses called the doctor in the middle of the night like “What do you want us to do here?” I was wondering if it would end up in a C section. But the doctor told them to stop Pitocin for half an hour and then try again.

At 5am I was exhausted and in tears. I was DONE. I had been laboring for 60+ hours and I just felt like I couldn’t handle anymore. I was in sweats, clutching the sides of the bed, cursing and saying I couldn’t do it anymore. It was that moment I told Dan my deepest fear… “What if I resented this child because of the difficult pregnancy and labor I had been through?”

Dan was a great partner, listening to my concerns and validating all my feelings. But right as I was having a melt down I suddenly felt a pain. An intense contraction. As if I had no epidural at all. I started bawling harder. Another contraction worse than the last one. I hit the nurse’s call like a giant NOPE button. I was not about to feel labor right at the worst of it.

They gave me a shot of fentanyl and some kind of adrenaline booster. And that gave me the strength to keep going. Some of the pain I figured out (and this is super weird) was that the contractions were crushing the baby into my ribcage. And I’m not saying this to be dramatic but I legitimately felt that my ribs were going to crack. Like the pain and pressure against my ribs was so bad I felt it through the epidural and the fentanyl.

The biggest problem was that my water wouldn’t break. It was in the middle of the night and no doctor would come in and break my water and the nurses couldn’t do it either. My labor nurse kept saying, “If your water would break that baby would come right out.” BUT IT NEVER FREAKING BROKE!

I waited in agony and then finally right at 7 am my doctor walked in to break it. I think I started crying at the sight of her. She broke my water and then announced she was going to see some other patients in recovery. But as soon as she left I had an ENORMOUS amount of pressure. She basically walked out just to walk right back in and deliver my baby.

I think I only pushed maybe five or six times. I had to stop pushing half way through because she had the chord wrapped around her neck. Not sure whether I should mention this or not, but as she was coming out and starting to crown she actually was moving her head around! All the nurses and everyone in the delivery room was like WOOOOOOAAAAAH LOOK AT THAT as they’re staring at me wide-legged. So that was… a life experience I guess.

Another big set of pushes and bloop there she was. They set her on my chest and I swear from the moment I looked at her face I knew I would not resent this child like I had worried. I felt her spirit. What she was like and who she was. I had an instant bond with my little girl. My Andie Jean. And I was so happy. The months I had agonized through to bring her here were worth it for that moment.

So I really wouldn’t trade anything, since I love the person that came from it so much.

PS I will also add that even though I had a crazy long labor, I recovered insanely quickly. I was up walking around not too long after and had minimal postpartum problems. Crazy how bodies work especially with birth.