TMI warning: In this post I will be talking about my anatomy. Probably a lot. So if you are uncomfortable with reading about that I suggest you skip this one. Here, I’ll sum it up for you: I wasn’t physically able to feed my baby without a bottle, but I ended up being okay with it.
You’re still good with reading? Okay… ’cause I’m about to talk about my boobies… Last chance.
Well here’s something you probably didn’t want to know about me. I have inverted nipples. Yep. #noshame If you don’t know what that is, you’re probably imagining a couple of funnels. Thankfully that’s not what it is. It just means that my nipples are completely flush to my breasts. Which, aesthetically I’m cool with but was hell when I tried to breastfeed my newborn. I mean, poor thing, honestly. That would be like trying to drink out of a bowling ball.
Those first few nights at the hospital really sucked. Really. Every two hours I would have a WHOLE TEAM of nurses forcing my screaming baby onto my chest. To make things worse, he had a tongue tie. The doctor had to cut the skin under his tongue in hopes that he would be able to latch easier. He didn’t.
It was all a bit of a traumatic experience for me as a new mom. It wasn’t that I didn’t have the resources because I had MORE THAN ENOUGH. Too much probably. I had two separate lactation experts, one gave me a fake plastic nipple and an IV drip to supplement with formula. That was its own nightmare. Using the supplement system was a two man job. My husband would have to help me assemble and hang it all up. It took us forever. And then it wouldn’t stay suctioned cupped to my boob because there wasn’t anything for it to hold onto. I would be COVERED in formula by the end. It was such a mess.
I tried to pump milk to give him, but I couldn’t get enough out. I even remember spoon feeding him milk. Finally, I was like… look… I’m already “supplementing” with formula, I might as well switch to fully formula bottle feeding.
When I made the switch it was such a peaceful and calming thing. It was wonderful. I loved it. His weight and height shot up like crazy! He was fed and I felt like a successful mom.
If you too are struggling with breastfeeding, know that whatever you decide IT IS OKAY! I truly believe that every mother should raise their child in their own beautiful way.
Here are some reasons why I loved bottle feeding, if you are considering switching:
1. Daddy was now a part of that bonding experience.
It was so nice being able to have my husband feed the baby every now and then. We could take shifts during those long nights and I could actually sleep! I got breaks every now and then and my husband LOVED feeding the baby.
2. I knew exactly how much my son was eating.
When the pediatrician asked how much he was eating I replied without missing a beat. 4 oz every 2 hours. I really liked this aspect of bottle feeding because it helped me keep a better schedule.
3. My body was my own again.
I feel a bit ungrateful mentioning this reason, but it’s true. When you’re pregnant you are always worried about what you’re eating or doing. That doesn’t stop after you’ve had the baby and you’re breastfeeding. I remember feeling a sense of relief when I gave up breastfeeding! I could eat spicy foods again! Yay!
Trying to make the right choices as a mother is SO HARD and SO guilt-inducing. Be kind to those mommas out there because I promise they already worry that they’re not doing enough for their child.
You are. You are the right mom that your child needs. I promise.
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