Category: Kids Say the Darndest

Kids Say the Darndest Things (Aug 2021)

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JACK: Your butt is big, Mom.

ME: Okay, thanks.

JACK: I mean, it’s super DUPER big.

ME: Okay! I got it!

CASEY: (spinning) I’m dizzy!

ME: (making a dumb Dad Joke) What do you want to do, Dizzy?

CASEY: I want to go to Dizzy-land!

Lately Casey has been calling Jack, “my Jack”. Like, “Where is my Jack?” “There’s my Jack! My Jack is back!” He also has been insisting that they wear the same color of shirt everyday. So today, when he saw Jack was wearing a red shirt, he demanded to be changed out of his blue shirt.

CASEY: I don’t match my Jack! No, I need to match my Jack!

A wasp landed on Jack Heroically, Dan swatted it away.

JACK: No I wanted him! He liked me!

We went on a hike and my two-year-old starting singing aloud every single thing that was happening.

CASEY: (cheerful singing) There’s lots of sand. And lots of mud. I’m farting. I farted and mommy laughed.

The boys caught a cold.

ME: (checking in) How are you feeling?

JACK: I feel better.

CASEY: I feel cough.

On the same note. Casey’s cough worsened, which always aggravates his sensitive gag reflex. After the grossest sounding cough turned hacking gag/possible slight puke, he turns to me and very calmly and politely says

CASEY: I have a little cough.

ME: Coconuts.

JACK: Cock and nuts?

ME: That’s definitely not how you pronounce it…

A while ago, I wrote about Jack mispronouncing the word “freckle”. The other day, Dan and I learned that Casey calls it “a peckle”. And this is my official petition to change the word freckle to peckle.

Kids Say the Darndest Things (July 2021)

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CASEY: (yelling) Tickle me! Tickle me!

ME: Shhh!

CASEY: (whispers) Tickle me. Tickle me.

ME: Hold on, I gotta get dressed before we go swimming.

JACK: It’s not called a dress It’s called a swimming suit

Meanwhile Casey is over here calling his a “swim soup”

Every time Casey finishes a book he enthusiastically calls out “AMEN!” instead of “The End”.

So my husband passionately hates Sour Cream and Cheddar chips. (I know what’s up with that??) One day he was trying to indoctrinate my child away from liking those chips by referring to them as “stinky fart chips”. Not only does Jack still like those chips, but now he permanently calls them “fart chips”.

JACK: Can I have fart chips with my sandwich?

CASEY: (every time he’s about to go down the slide) Here come me!

Jack insisted on wearing his underwear backwards. When my husband asked why he said

JACK: Because I don’t like the pocket in the front.

CASEY: (rolling on the couch) I’m a wiggly, wiggly worm!!

One night Jack called out to in terror. Dan rushed in and asked what was wrong.

JACK: (crying) I can’t count to zero!
DAN: … No one can count to zero. Go back to sleep.

ME: Hey. I love you.
CASEY: Oh, I glad.

Kids Say the Darndest Things (June 2021)

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JACK: (flexing) I’m so strong, look at my elbows! 

In the bath.

CASEY: (points to the body wash) Okay. I’m ready for the slime!

JACK: Mom, ask me if whales are nice.

ME: Are Whales nice?

JACK: Yeah.

*No follow up context*


CASEY: Look Mommy I’m on the table. (starts dancing)

ME: What are you doing up there?

CASEY: Just bein’ myself.

Jack was taking very slow and loud breaths.

JACK: (whispers to himself) I’m doing such a good job breathing.


At my friend’s house, Casey asked for a slice of cheese. He was so insistent on it that my friend caved and let him have one. Then we watched as he put the slice of cheese on a scooter and gave it a ride around the apartment. He never ate it.

Jack kept asking me to wipe his butt for him. I explained to him that once he turned five, he would go to Kindergarten and he would have to wipe his butt all by himself. The next day, we heard him yell this from the bathroom.

JACK: Can someone wipe my bum!? I’m still four! I’m not five yet!

I was outside when a breeze sounded off some wind chimes nearby.

CASEY: (excited) Mommy, do you hear that magic?

JACK: I had a dream I was at a party and there was a fire! I turned into a fire truck and put out the fire!

ME: That’s great, buddy! Good job!

JACK: …

ME: …

JACK: I wet the bed.