JACK: (shouting like an expletive) Willy Wonker!
Casey wanted to prank his babysitter by texting her pretending to be me. So he started the text conversation like this…
CASEY: This isn’t Casey. This is Mommy.
I was trying to explain that movies were silent until the late 1920s, but I must have done a really bad job explaining because the next day Jack was like
JACK: So the first human to talk was 1927? That’s crazy that people didn’t talk before then.
Casey repeatedly asked me for “some chompers” and it took me forever to realize he meant “chopsticks”
ME: You’re such a sweet kid.
JACK: Nuh uh. I robbed two banks today
CASEY: Mom, I wrote a song for you. *scream singing* Mommy you are beautiful. Your lips are cute. Your nose is not. But I like the color of your EYES!
DAN: Are you sick buddy?
JACK: *in a cheerful voice* Not yet!
*Dan and I were speaking Spanish to each other*
CASEY: What are you saying in real life?
JACK: *sees a bright yellow Nissan sentra parked in our neighbor’s driveway* Woah is that a Lamborghini!?
I had my eyebrows tinted which is always SUPER DARK the first day and the kids were just relentless.
JACK: Why do you look like that?
CASEY: You look like a man
JACK: You look like daddy
CASEY: Andie’s gonna think you’re Dada
JACK: Those look like the Nike logos
CASEY: Yeah they dooooo
ME: Okay no more unless you have nice and kind things to say to Mommy
JACK: … … I like your eyebrows, Mom.
JACK: Bruh who cooked up a fart in here? How do I unsmell this?
CASEY: This magical wand will turn you into anything you want to be.
ME: Okay, I want to be a famous author.
CASEY: Woosh, woosh! Now you are a very famous author! What else do you want to be?
ME: Okay! I want to be the best mommy in the world!
CASEY: *face drops in complete shock* My wand can’t turn you into something you already are.
ME: *tearing up* Okay. You passed.
valmanwill.com 