Author: valmanwill

Valerie Manwill writes coming of age novels and stories with quirky twists. She is an award-winning playwright and has a handful of stories published in varying anthologies. Other braggadocio includes being fluent in both Spanish and Golden Era Vines. Valerie melts in the Arizona sun with her two baby boys and snarky husband.

David Copperfield Made My Dad Disappear

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Do you guys know this guy?

David-Copperfield

If you said Ty Burrell from Modern Family… you’re wrong.

Here’s a hint… He was pretty big in the eighties. Especially after he made the statue of liberty disappear and walked through the Great Wall of China. That’s right! David Copperfield!

My Dad is a HUGE fan of magic. So when we heard he was coming to Salt Lake, we got us some tickets y’all!

And if you’ve ever been to a magic show, you know they save the craziest trick for last. It was the end of the show… the last act… and David Copperfield said he needed some volunteers from the audience.

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The way that he chose volunteers was sort of odd. He threw a Frisbee into the audience and whoever caught it got to participate. Well, the Frisbee flew right down and landed in my lap. I didn’t even try to catch it or anything it just landed on me.

David was all like, “Oh, can you hand that to the nearest adult?” Geez, Copperfield. Sorry I’m not MAGICAL enough for you. (I was about twelve? at the time). Wull, fine! My dad was sitting next to me so I handed it to him.

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Meanwhile, the magician pulls out like ten more people from the audience and announces that he’s going to make them all disappear. Pretty cool. He puts everyone on this platform and gives them all flashlights. My dad was the designated hand out the side of the curtain guy. Prrrrestigious.

Once the curtain was on, the platform rose into the air with some really intense new age music. (lol I love how extra cheesy magic performances are. 100%).

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Everyone is wiggling their flashlights back and forth, including my dad whose hand is still outside of the curtain. David Copperfield yanks the curtain away and DUN DUN WOOSH! Everyone is gone. We stand to our feet cheering! The magician takes a bow and says “Thanks for coming out, bye!”

We’re all like… oh, huh? But our dad tho. I guess he’s just gone to another dimension now.

We finally met up with him later in the lobby and got to talk to him all about the crazy experience!

And you want to know how he did it? …

With MAGIC. Duh.

Pitching my Weird Pregnancy Dreams as Book Ideas

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Okay, so I don’t know if this happens to anyone else, but sometimes when I dream it’s not about myself… That is to say, that sometimes I dream in a “movie format” with it’s own characters and plot twists and everything. This especially happens when I’m sick. And if I’m sick and pregnant, the story-dreams are even crazier.

So I started writing them down as if I were pitching them to agents as book ideas. Here they are for your enjoyment! (Forgive the conspiracy thrillers. It’s been a rough first trimester.)

 

Retelling of Jack and the Beanstalk, but the giant is made out of pulled taffy.

A family of four tries to escape a mall as an active shooter works his way towards them.

A cheerleader is forced to spend time with some of the grossest and geekiest outcasts of the school (stylized as a 1980s John Hughes comedy).

A down-on-his-luck father is hired to work for the United States’ most extensive underground mob.

Four amateur and bumbling criminals decide to rob a bank accidentally at the same time as four violent and capable criminals.

A woman takes down a group of terrorists on a cruise ship by using an animal-shapeshifting superpower.

Queen Elizabeth is let in on a secret plan to assassinate one of her own government officials right before her daughter announces that she’s fallen in love with him.

A group of young boys find themselves trapped in a house with strange and mysterious properties, competing for the only exit.

A lonely high school kid is granted the ability to become invisible for a day. He uses his new skill to learn that his fellow students have their own demons.

A high school girl begins to accurately dream the future the day before her premonitions become true. At first it’s all fun and games, until her dream predicts that she will somehow become hopelessly lost in the dark woods.

“Morty’s Fun House of Outrageous Revoked Licences: The Strangest Reasons People Have Had Their Driver’s Licenses Taken Away” (I flipped through this book in a dream haha)

A doctor is hired by a corrupt pharma company to pretend that he has a specific degenerate disease in order to falsify research.

BONUS: I dreamt that my husband and I were contestants on The Bachelor/Bachelorette but living in the same house. We made a vow to give up our roses for each other

 

Which one would you read as a book or go see as a movie? Do any of you creative people have out of control dreams like this?

Making a Fool of Myself at Barnes and Noble

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awklife

Anyone who knows my husband and I, knows that we love to prank each other. One time, Dan put cottage cheese in my deodorant, changed my birthday and Facebook and announced that I was engaged to a mutual friend all on the SAME April Fool’s Day.

So, naturally, I am always trying to get back at him in any little way I can think of.

One time we were hanging out at Barnes and Noble, because if you didn’t know, that’s how non-nerds spend their time. OBVIOUSLY.

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I was browsing around the aisles while Dan trailed behind me. It came to me that this was a perfectly perfect time to be a really annoying wife. I could tell that he was trying to get around me, so I spread my arms out to the side and did a weird zig-zaggy walk. Basically MAXIMIZING every inch of space so that it was impossible to pass by.

I kicked my knees up with each step. Exaggerating every single movement, because I’m a comedic genius honestly. Anyways, basically, I looked like a marionette being controlled by a preschooler.

Spooky

That’s when the Barnes and Noble employee was like, “Um… Excuse me…”

Dan had stopped one aisle over. Letting me do this STUPID dancing block-aid. For like honestly a full minute.

Dummy. Even when I try to get him back he finds a way to turn the tables on me.