My Kids Say the Darndest Things (March 2021)

Casey had a fever. So I brought down our no-touch thermometer (best pandemic purchase ever). The only set back is the kids loooooove to play with it, so as soon as Casey saw it he demanded he take his own temperature. I let him hold onto it and went off to get the Tylenol. When I returned I heard him talking to the thermometer in his hands, “Hello, temperature. Do you want to play?” And then he replied to himself in a high pitched voice, “Yes.”

We bought a Roomba. (Second best pandemic purchase ever) At first, Casey told me he was “scared the robot”, but he warmed up quickly. Now he follows it around and makes kissy sounds and telling it to “come”. “Come, robot.” Then he announces to me that the robot is named George and George is his friend.

I told Jack to blow a feather off my finger and make a wish. He squeezed his eyes shut and whispered to himself, “I wish for a pink unicorn.”

One night it was really windy and Dan had left the window open in his office the slightest crack. Every time the wind blew through the window it would howl loudly. Well, I didn’t explain to the boys what the sound was… so they decided on their own that it was because there was “an owl” in the house. They were both ABSOLUTELY convinced that there was an owl inside hooting loudly and walked around trying to find it.

*Jack’s stomach gurgles loudly*

ME: Oh, are you digesting?

JACK: I not ‘gestin. I’m Jack!


Casey biting into an uncooked macaroni: “Ooh, this is a yucky rainbow.”

JACK: Moooooooom, get me some juice.

ME: Nuh-uh, mister. You need to use the magic word.

JACK: (in all sincerity) … “chicken”?

ME: “Please”.

JACK: Ohhhhhhhhh.

ME: *after cleaning the kitchen* Wow. Okay. That was a lot of hard work!

JACK: Yeah, it was! You do a lot of hard work, Mom. Good job for doing that hard work!

ME: *trying not to cry*

My Kids Say the Darndest Things (February 2021)

My kids (ages 2 & 4) so often do / say the quirkiest and funniest things that I thought hmmmm… I might as well write them down here and make it a monthly post.

Jack began a weekly soccer class through his preschool and he LOVES it! Every Tuesday I would pick him up from school he would gush about how “Max was there today” or “We all played soccer with Max!” or “I love learning soccer with Max!”. I had seen the young college guy in the jersey who I assumed was this special Max. One day as I was picking up Jack, this guy was packing up and leaving so I said, “It’s Max, right?”. To which he replied, “Coach Logan.” I was surprised and embarrassed, I apologized and quickly signed my kid out of school. As I was buckling Jack into the car I asked, “Honey… who is Max? Is Max someone in your class?” Jack laughed and said, “No, Max isn’t someone in my class! Max is a soccer ball!”

ME: Casey, please don’t scream like that.

CASEY: (scoff) Don’t be so scared, Mom.

JACK: (calling to his Dad) Honey, can you carry my truck down the stairs for me? … thanks, Honey

*Casey very carefully putting his socks on each hand like mittens*

CASEY: (whispers to himself) There. Perfect.

Jack was playing Among Us on my phone and it was his turn to be The Imposter. He wasn’t doing too bad! And after a few successful kills the players were all casting their votes and Jack VOTES FOR HIMSELF.

ME: Jack! Don’t vote for youself!

JACK: But Mom I have to! I’m the ‘poster!

*Casey trying to climb on my lap as I’m eating*

CASEY: I want to sit there!

ME: No baby, not right now. I’m eating dinner.

*Casey climbs on the chair next to me, waits a minute and then suddenly jumps into my lap*

CASEY: Oh noooooo! I fell!

JACK: Mom, Casey bumped me! Say sorry, Casey!

CASEY: Sorry Casey.

JACK: No, I’m Jack!

CASEY: I’m Casey.

One night before I tucked Jack into bed he said:

JACK: Mom, I had fun best friending with you today.

MY HEART 😭😭

Super Quick Life Update: WE ARE BUYING A HOUSE!!!

NEW HOUSE:

Sorry, I’ve been MIA this month. Things have been super crazy since we’re BUYING OUR FIRST HOME!!

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I seriously am in love so hard. Sometimes when I think about it, I feel all blubbery and teary-eyed haha. It’s everything I wanted and then some! We are signing all the closing paperwork TODAY and I honestly couldn’t be more STUNNED/ECSTATIC.

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THE KIDS:

Has everyone else been like non-stop sick? Because holy moly. This month has been the WORST. We’re just barely getting over the flu and thanks, it only took us A COUPLE OF WEEKS.

 

THE WRITING:

Things have been slow as hell. This is the slowest I’ve written in years. I remember when I proudly wrote a breezy 2k a day. Now when I write two sentences, I have to stop to wipe my brow and binge watch a horrible reality show because my fingers are so tired. It’s been some rough stuff man. In November alone, I wrote 50k words. Then it took December, January, February to wheeze out 20k.

crawling

And it’s not without a reason… House hunting and house buying has become like a full-time job almost. It’s so much work and time! One other hilarious thing that has slowed me down, is I can’t get myself to stop reading my own book. Usually, when I draft I have a strict no-reading-back policy, but with this one, I’ve been pretty naughty. I’ll try to refer back to a scene ‘real quick’ and ‘hey this is kind of funny’. Suddenly 100 pages later, I’ve been sucked in and I just wasted my designated writing time. That’s a good sign though, right? I mean, I don’t know if anyone else will be turning pages, but I LOVE THIS RIDICULOUS BOOK OF MINE. AND GOSH DARNIT I AM DETERMINED TO FINISH THIS FREAKING DRAFT BEFORE I MOVE! AND I WILL! JUST YOU WAIT NAYSAYER!

(I can’t tell you too much about the book yet, but what I can tell you is that it’s a dark-comedy time-travel story about The Beatles.)

Stay tuned for more updates, book announcements, videos of the new house, so on and so forth.