Jack hugged me and sniffed me hard.

ME: Do I stink?

JACK: Nah, you smell like shirt.

---

I was laying with Casey, trying to help him fall asleep, when Dan started to make a sandwich in the kitchen. When Case heard the clatter of plates he sat straight up in bed.

CASEY: Wait, is it Christmas tomorrow?!?!

ME: *so confused* No… it’s June.

CASEY: Oh… I thought I heard Santa.

---

ANDIE: *pointing to the Roomba* I scared dat robop. He tickle my feet.

---

JACK: Mom, watch this YouTube short.

ME: ‘kay. *only half watching*

JACK: No, you gotta tell your vision to watch it.

---

Casey started watching an ASMR video on the TV.

CASEY: She must know Andie’s napping and that’s why she’s being quiet.

---

ANDIE: *pointing to Dan’s beard* Daddy your face is all dirty!

---

If I don’t respond to the first “Mom” Casey will shout “VALERIE MANWILL” from across the playground.

---

After I called Dan out for passing gas.

DAN: (annoyed) Mom keeps a record of everyone’s farts.

JACK: Well, Dad definitely has the 2024 world record for farts.

---

Andie’s catchphrase for when things are crazy is “Oh GOSH a HECK!”

---

Casey spelling out a swear word on the wall with bath blocks.

ME: Dude, don’t write that.

Casey quickly tears it down and yells at the sky:

CASEY: I’m sorry, Jesus! I love you!

---

Andie reading a book on animals. First page is a water buffalo.

ANDIE: This is a Water Bubbabo.

Flips the page to see a Cheetah.

ANDIE: A cheeto! I love cheetos!

JACK: Mom, I was laying on my arm during the movie and now my hand feels funny.
ME: Your hand probably fell asleep.
JACK: Oh. uses his two fingers as little legs and walks across my lap Look it’s sleep walking.

---

ME: Before we go to the store, do you remember? What are the rules?
CASEY: No whirling.
ME: …
CASEY: I mean no wandering.

---

ANDIE: balancing on one foot Weeee! I going!

---

DAN: talking to the kids Boys and girls, it’s time for bed.
CASEY: No, there’s just boys and ‘girl’. Not girls.
JACK: No, there’s one boy, one girl, points to himself and one man.

---

ME: Tomorrow we’re going to the park with some friends.
CASEY: ALERT! I LOVE TOMORROW!

---

Andie calls applesauce “Elsa-sauce”

POSSIBLE PIC

---

JACK: When Dad gets home can we do tag with him?
ME: Sorry, baby, Daddy’s in Tennessee (for work).
JACK: Oh, that’s right. Dad’s on his field trip.

---

CASEY: looking through my Nativity set and picks up the donkey Wow, cool, a horse! puts it down and picks up the camel Oh and a moose!

---

CASEY: We’re not going to watch that because it’s too scary.
ANDIE: Yeah, scary is SO scary.

---

JACK: Did you know monkeys always make themselves laugh because they tickle their own armpits?

---

Casey has decided that one of his stuffies is now his girlfriend. And he writes the most dramatic and intense love letters to her.
CASEY: I love you one thousand percent. My heart is full of tears and love. I’m so uncomfortable without you being here next to me. When you get here I will get on my knees and say, ‘Heaven, thank you for sending her to my house.’ I will never forget about you in my whole life.

---

ME: getting Andie out of her crib in the morning
ANDIE: Oh, hi, Mommy! I miss you!

---

ME: Do you like being the oldest?
JACK: Yeah because I’m the funniest

---

ANDIE: hat falls over her eyes Where I go?

---

Casey insists on cosplaying as a different character multiple times a day. Some of his favorite costumes are The Wicked Witch of the West, Spiderman, Buzz Lightyear, and Blippi. But one day he decided he wanted to “dress up as me”. And all I gotta say is… WHY’D IT HAVE TO BE SO FREAKING ACCURATE?

The leggings, the Beatles shirt, the messy bun. wtf hahahaha

JACK: (shouting like an expletive) Willy Wonker!

---

Casey wanted to prank his babysitter by texting her pretending to be me. So he started the text conversation like this…

CASEY: This isn’t Casey. This is Mommy.

---

I was trying to explain that movies were silent until the late 1920s, but I must have done a really bad job explaining because the next day Jack was like

JACK: So the first human to talk was 1927? That’s crazy that people didn’t talk before then.

---

Casey repeatedly asked me for “some chompers” and it took me forever to realize he meant “chopsticks”

---

ME: You’re such a sweet kid.

JACK: Nuh uh. I robbed two banks today

---

CASEY: Mom, I wrote a song for you. *scream singing* Mommy you are beautiful. Your lips are cute. Your nose is not. But I like the color of your EYES!

---

DAN: Are you sick buddy?

JACK: *in a cheerful voice* Not yet!

---

*Dan and I were speaking Spanish to each other*

CASEY: What are you saying in real life?

---

JACK: *sees a bright yellow Nissan sentra parked in our neighbor’s driveway* Woah is that a Lamborghini!?

---

I had my eyebrows tinted which is always SUPER DARK the first day and the kids were just relentless.

JACK: Why do you look like that?

CASEY: You look like a man

JACK: You look like daddy

CASEY: Andie’s gonna think you’re Dada

JACK: Those look like the Nike logos

CASEY: Yeah they dooooo

ME: Okay no more unless you have nice and kind things to say to Mommy

JACK: … … I like your eyebrows, Mom.

---

JACK: Bruh who cooked up a fart in here? How do I unsmell this?

---

CASEY: This magical wand will turn you into anything you want to be.

ME: Okay, I want to be a famous author.

CASEY: Woosh, woosh! Now you are a very famous author! What else do you want to be?

ME: Okay! I want to be the best mommy in the world!

CASEY: *face drops in complete shock* My wand can’t turn you into something you already are.

ME: *tearing up* Okay. You passed.