The Time My Phone Got Switched with a Detective’s

I haven’t told too many people this story, mostly because it became kinda dangerous to talk about…

I think it’s okay now though. Probably.

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So when I worked as a receptionist I would get a LOT of phone calls. My job was to transfer the call to the right department, which was usually easy but some of the weirder ones were more of a puzzle. Like there were multiple types of IT departments for some reason? And also a lot of people would just straight up give you some weird story that made you want to transfer them to the hang-up department.

Well, one day some of my phone calls started getting weirder than normal.

I’m not even sure what the first one was about. It was in Spanish, which I speak… but that didn’t make me any less confused. The guy was like stressing out about some kind of fine or ticket or something? He was trying to access his criminal records or something. I was like, Bro, this is a printer company… Which just pissed him off worse and he kept repeating that this was the number that the police officer had given him. I hung up like, huh… that was weird. But it just got WEIRDER AND WEIRDER.

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I answer the phone and this guy asks for a detective with a really distinct last name. I don’t feel comfortable publicly disclosing that name, so I’ll just call him Detective Benitez.

Me: *Printer Company Name* This is Valerie. How may I direct your call?
Man: Put me on with Benitez.
Me: … Um. I’m sorry. There’s no one here by that name.
Man: Is this 801-bla-blah?
Me: … yes, that’s my personal line.
Man: Oh are you his assistant then?
Me: I’m a receptionist at a printer company…
Man: Oh, the receptionist. Well, can you deliver him a message?
Me: … uh–
Man: Tell him to stop f—ing harassing me because I never f—ing assaulted her in the first place.
Me: …
Man: Tell him Dale says that.
Me: K. Will do.

I would get these kinds of calls all the time. BUT ONLY ME. The other receptionist’s phone wouldn’t ring because they weren’t calling the main line they were calling me DIRECTLY. And sharing very weird personal incriminating information.

So anyways, one Monday I come in and the little light on my phone is blinking and I’m like… nah fam. Like the only way I have a message on my PERSONAL PHONE is if it’s for this Benitez guy. So I already knew what it was.

I was not prepared for what I was about to hear.

On my phone was a message from a woman relaying some key information about a murder.

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K. Now, I know all y’all Criminal Mind bingers are like ooh how interesting. Nah. This scared the … swear word out of me. I felt like I WAS a witness just by association of this event. Like now I had sensitive information that a psycho would not appreciate me having. And this murder was particularly dangerous too… (lol that was dumb, all murders are dangerous. But just know that it was a crazy enough one that my now involvement made me feel really uncomfortable!)

So we tracked down the real detective to give him this super important message. The detective took one look at his business cards and *whoops* TYPO. His number had been printed one digit off and he was doling my number all around town

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So that happened! Because my phone number got mixed up I had to deliver some significant evidence to a detective. And if you’re wondering if I would ever turn that premise into a book. UH-YEAH! Of course I will! I even kinda thought it would be fun to set it in the sixties and have it be about a serial killer who entices girls by pretending to be one of the Beatles… HAHAHAHA! Is that dumb?? I’ve never told anyone that idea before. It just kind of blurted out of my fingertips there.

Anyways! I try to often post about crazy stories, embarrassing stories, um stupid book ideas and stuff. Subscribe to follow along if you want more!

 

An Entire Family of Bad Luck Brians

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Have you ever seen the movie Pure Luck? Because let me tell you… this move to Arizona has been some of the worst luck I’ve ever had. It’s been so ridiculous in fact that you wouldn’t believe it unless I made a comprehensive list.

So here you are:

We got a late start getting out on the road because one of our drivers disappeared at Walmart for an hour

U-haul’s system went out nationally and double charged us for the trailer

Car’s AC went out as soon as we hit Mesquite

We tried to see Hoover dam. It was closed.

Our other car wasn’t put on the trailer correctly and almost fell off in the middle of the desert

Our credit card stopped working because of the unusual location even though we informed the bank we were moving

Got to the Air BnB late, misunderstood where the entrance was and got chewed out all day for trying to break in

Got locked out of our own gated community as we were trying to move in

Brought an air mattress for our helpers… didn’t bring an air pump

Got two replacement mattresses and a pump… that pump was broken

The flight we purchased for our helpers was delayed like three hours. Didn’t know about it until after they had gone through security

Someone in our building was smoking and it was blowing into our apartment

It took 4 trips to the DMV to get registration done because of random misunderstandings

Caterpillars keep crawling in through the bottom of our front door 🤷🏻

Our pool turned green

Jack had diarrhea for the first week

And then because of the diarrhea Jack had bad diaper rash the second week

I spent like 15 minutes picking out the most gentle face wash/moisturizer I could find at the store. I was allergic to it.

Dan’s bike got stolen off our porch

After fixing the AC we took our car to get tint put on the windows and our MECHANIC’S car broke down and he couldn’t get to it until the next day

We went to three different restaurants because we had gift cards. NONE OF THE GIFT CARDS WORKED

The ONE thing I was madly pregnancy craving does not exist here in AZ

The radiator in the OTHER CAR broke down

And literally as I was typing up this list, Dan came in to tell me that the plug on my laptop just SPARKED and EXPLODED. So I’m trying to write this post on my phone.

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This probably all sounds made up. IT’S NOT. Hopefully, a meteor isn’t about to fall on us. Um… Help?

David Copperfield Made My Dad Disappear

Do you guys know this guy?

David-Copperfield

If you said Ty Burrell from Modern Family… you’re wrong.

Here’s a hint… He was pretty big in the eighties. Especially after he made the statue of liberty disappear and walked through the Great Wall of China. That’s right! David Copperfield!

My Dad is a HUGE fan of magic. So when we heard he was coming to Salt Lake, we got us some tickets y’all!

And if you’ve ever been to a magic show, you know they save the craziest trick for last. It was the end of the show… the last act… and David Copperfield said he needed some volunteers from the audience.

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The way that he chose volunteers was sort of odd. He threw a Frisbee into the audience and whoever caught it got to participate. Well, the Frisbee flew right down and landed in my lap. I didn’t even try to catch it or anything it just landed on me.

David was all like, “Oh, can you hand that to the nearest adult?” Geez, Copperfield. Sorry I’m not MAGICAL enough for you. (I was about twelve? at the time). Wull, fine! My dad was sitting next to me so I handed it to him.

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Meanwhile, the magician pulls out like ten more people from the audience and announces that he’s going to make them all disappear. Pretty cool. He puts everyone on this platform and gives them all flashlights. My dad was the designated hand out the side of the curtain guy. Prrrrestigious.

Once the curtain was on, the platform rose into the air with some really intense new age music. (lol I love how extra cheesy magic performances are. 100%).

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Everyone is wiggling their flashlights back and forth, including my dad whose hand is still outside of the curtain. David Copperfield yanks the curtain away and DUN DUN WOOSH! Everyone is gone. We stand to our feet cheering! The magician takes a bow and says “Thanks for coming out, bye!”

We’re all like… oh, huh? But our dad tho. I guess he’s just gone to another dimension now.

We finally met up with him later in the lobby and got to talk to him all about the crazy experience!

And you want to know how he did it? …

With MAGIC. Duh.