Things that Made Me Throw Up During the First Trimester

May 3, 2018May 2, 2018 valmanwillLeave a comment

Haven’t I mentioned several times how sick I was with this pregnancy? Well here’s some more of that.

First trimester was the WORST. In fact the retching got so ridiculous that I started keeping a list of why in my phone. (You’re welcome. I know you wanted this.) If you don’t believe that nausea is a problem for a pregnant woman, give this a read. It will give you an idea of how hard it is to live daily life without puking during that 1st trimester.

Trigger warning… if you’re pregnant probably.

gag

REASONS FOR THROWING UP

My son gagged on a mouthful of chicken nuggets
Saw a picture of a sweaty boxing champion and imagined how they smelled
Scrolled too fast on my phone
Touched wet Rice Krispy cereal
Ate too much
Ate too little
Tried to do the dishes
Remembered what bacon soda tasted like
Watched a review for Hungry Man Enchiladas. (That was a mistake)
When Zoe on Sesame Street said her sandwiches would taste like bologna and socks
Had to cough when I woke up, puked instead
Arie breaking up with Becca for another woman and then following her around the tiny apartment for like AN HOUR
Husband made a ratchet poop joke
Smelled my toddler’s poop
Watching Rhett and Link eat anything
Tried to put on a pair of jeans
Oven was too hot
Had to bounce to get snow off my shoes
Thought about food
In the music video 6 Underground where he drips worms out of a can. Barf
Sat up too fast

Thankfully, I’m over the worst of it. But even reading over this list… I just… it kind of… makes me… excuse me…

Trying to Recreate the Parent Trap IRL

April 26, 2018April 25, 2018 valmanwillLeave a comment

So, here’s a thing that happened.

It was 1998. A beautiful time of matching windbreakers over mom jeans and boy bands with frosted tips. 5th grade teacher, Mrs. Boyce had just blown everyone away in the school talent show by singing “My Heart Will Go On”. And while all the adults were laughing at There’s Something About Mary, the kids were all about Lindsay Lohan in the remake of Disney’s The Parent Trap.

51WX8NYATML._SY445_

If you’ve never seen it, first off – shame on you because it’s a real treasure. Secondly, the idea is that two twins separated as babies by a divorce meet at a summer camp. After camp, they pretend to be each other in an effort to rekindle their parent’s love. To this day, my sister Natalie and I are still huge fans of both the old movie and the new movie. In fact, when it first came out we were so enchanted by it that we decided, Hey, let’s switch places…

Here’s the problem. Um… we look nothing like each other. I was a super blondie and Nat had really dark hair. We didn’t even really look like sisters, let alone twins. Also, we were three years apart. My sister was in the fifth grade and I was in second grade…

tumblr_lm594sjAa71qaclw9

Nevertheless, we were sure that this was a good plan.

We planned it out for weeks. We each had a notebook with tons of important tips jotted in them, where my desk was in the room, where I kept my markers, nick names I called my best friends so they would be none-the-wiser.

The day came and we went right to each others classrooms. Natalie went to second grade and I went to fifth. My sister, haha, recognized RIGHT AWAY that it wasn’t going to work. She stepped into class and the teacher was all like, “Can I help you?”. She just kinda shuffled back out the door, “Uh, no. I’m good.”

tumblr_onq67pIqoh1w92spao1_500

I, on the other hand, was still so sure about this. The teacher had kind of the same reaction.

Teacher: Do you need something?

Me: Nope. I’m Natalie.

Teacher: …. wut?

Me: I’m Natalie.

All the other kids started laughing so hard! And they were big kids. And it was scary. So I started to cry. My sister’s teacher had to walk me back to my second grade classroom. Ah, man.

VPPi

Anyways, coincidentally! Utah Children’s Theatre in Salt Lake is putting on The Parent Trap. How fabulous is that? Doesn’t that sound like the most fun ever? Come and see it! Tickets and showtimes can be found at uctheatre.org I can’t even tell you how excited I am to check it out! I’m definitely bringing Natalie with me.

ParentTrap_400x600_fef289f7-e22d-421e-9fc6-55b44ad5cd1c_480x

Novel Update: Back from the Editor!

April 20, 2018 valmanwillLeave a comment

So in case I haven’t spammed you well enough and you somehow don’t know… I’ve been working on a YA novel for the past six months. It’s about an LDS girl who tries to fit in with a group of burnouts, and it’s lightly based on some experiences that I had in high school.

The Other Five Percent MM.jpg

Completely finished three drafts (woot!) and hired a freelance editor to take a look at the project. I do plan to try for traditional publishing which would probably require another editor anyway… but my thinking is that it was more of an investment into my skills as a whole. Trying to improve my craft overall.

The timing was impeccable honestly. My morning sickness had me out all of March and my book came back right when I was feeling better. (Um, amazing!) Now I could actually process the daunting six page editor’s letter.

giphy (1)

(ALSO) If you are a writer and are considering hiring an editor. I wholeheartedly recommend doing it. It was expensive (my only Christmas gift). But in my experience, it was worth every penny. She addressed all the concerns that I had for the piece, but could actually tell me what to do about it. It is worth it my friends!

Mostly her recommendations were things to add in, opposed to changing. Which YAY! Because writing more book is WAY more fun than re-structuring everything. She also mentioned that my writing was some of the cleanest that she had come across… which had me like “Wha? Really??” For a first time novel that I wrote in twenty days. Um yeah, that’s a compliment.

giphy-downsized-large

So anyways, didn’t mean to blab on so much about it, but in short – It’s going well. Haha

Now, with the brainstorming help of my editor I am starting draft numero 4. And I am hoping that this is the one I can present to potential gatekeepers and book Gods. So cross your fingers for me! I would love to finish it before I move to AZ, but realistically… who even knows.