We are living in The Matrix, dude. No one can convince me otherwise, okay. And if you disagree that we’re in some sort of strange computer simulation maybe just come over and visit my neighborhood from time to time. Because it is living proof that nothing’s real lol.
Okay, I have this one neighbor that no matter what time of day, no matter what’s going on, this guy will spawn if Dan or I step outside. I KNOW this sounds like a joke or an exaggeration. But it seriously isn’t, okay. ANYTIME one of us is outside, he’ll spawn and start walking around the neighborhood. If I’m dropping my kids off to school at 7:30 in the morning he is out there walking around. If I am checking the mail like late into the evening, he is out there walking around. He never changes direction or pace. He never talks or does any other programed action other than walking. He’s always either wearing the same navy tracksuit (even in the summer) OR… he is out walking around in his pajammies.
I REALLY AM KIDDING YOU NOT. One time we had one of the worst monsoon storms we had in years. Like it was ripping out all the trees by their roots and our phones were blowing up with warnings. I went to my front window to watch the lightning and I am not even joking you this man spawned in the rain and the wind and the lightning. He was walking around the neighborhood in his track suit.
And he’s not even the most NPC of my neighborhood NPCs. I have this other neighbor… now, look, I realize I am in the business of making things up and this is about to sound REALLY made up. But I swear this is a REAL person doing this. There is this lady that paints her own car… in her driveway… in the dark… everyday for the past sixteen months. Yup. She just paints her car another layer every night. Different colors too. What is she doing? I don’t know. Maybe she’s trying to make it bulkier? The paint’s got to be at least like 6 in thick at this point. The only conclusion I have is that we’re living in the matrix and they have programmed the NPCs in my neighborhood with very few interactions lol.
And if you don’t think your neighbors are NPCs let me present this theory that’s been tickling the Internet. The theory goes like this: You’ve never once seen your neighbors bring their groceries inside. And the reason you’ve never seen your neighbors do this is because they’re not real and they’re not programmed to have groceries. Y’all ever seen your neighbors take their groceries inside?? No. But they’ve seen you, haven’t they?
Dan and I were talking about this theory and the very next day, I DID see my neighbors take groceries inside. And you know what their groceries were? A single rotisserie chicken and a gallon of milk. I was like, “That’s even weirder than just seeing normal groceries!!” I swear the programmers were just panicking because Daniel and I are on to them. But we gotta have a newbie programmer working on our neighborhood haha.
Comment with your neighborhood’s weird NPC behavior. Let’s compare lol
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